• 8 months ago

This is a long one and a dousey:
I am almost 35 and have never really had a career. I have had jobs, but never a career.
My path was derailed by my own choosing, I met my current bf while I was in university and working part time. He is almost twice my age. I gave up the university and went part time and got a job full time, as we were renting. Living with him was an escape from my overly critical family. Fast forward almost 10 years, I have a child with him, I again, delayed myself as my youngest has speech delays, im early 30s at this point, again I have had jobs lasting months at a time. But my jobs get overwhelming for his workload so I leave.
Now he is making lots of money, however, I need to get a career going. and technically we are okay financially. However, that is not good enough for me, I have been living a life, not for me but for the benefit of everyone else. Not that I regret my kids, but I want something for me.
I have been on several interviews, had 2 horribly abusive jobs last year, that I had to leave. I went on several interviews thinking good karma would come my way because of the BS I had to deal with in the workplace but so far it hasn’t worked out in my favour. Maybe I am not meant to work or have a career, but instead fulfill others dreams, maybe that is my dream and purpose is to make other dreams happen for others.
Its a confusing state to be in when people ask, “what do you do” Because I feel like now that the kids are in school, what do I have really do, not much. And people judging you, everyone else has a career, I always wanted that for me. I have to learn to accept that maybe that wont happen for me and to settle just for a job.
Forgive me, the depression and reality sets in and its hard to keep it inside.
I hope everyone enjoys valentines day.

Simply Confess