I fantasize about my own death at least 10x a day. I cant make it stop. Everything from hanging myself, to poisoning myself then slitting my wrist. I can picture my own blood filling a tub and I’m terrified.. but they just wont go away. I have a 5 month old baby and I cant raise him if I cant get these thoughts under control. I cant raise him if I’m dead. But how else am I suppose to stop them.. I’ve lived nearly 10 years like this.. i cant make it another year. With each year it gets worse and worse. More death. More pain. More heartache. I just cant take it anymore.
Theres an extension cord in my room and a beam out front I could hang myself from no problem. I know I could probably find some prescription drugs easy too. I don’t want to die, but all I think about is dying.. maybe I deserve it.