It’s New Year’s Eve. And I should think that it’s been a great night. Watched a movie with my mom and my brother for some family bonding, which is more than what we usually do. I’m supposed to be excited for the new year but I just feel angry. Thinking that I can’t wait until I can sleep so the night is finally over. Thinking how much I dislike my dad. Thinking how frustrated I am about not being able to put into words what’s really upsetting me when I argue with my brother about something pointless because it sure isn’t the content of the conversation that’s bugging me- but the way I feel unseen, dismissed, overlooked, stupid, unintelligent, unimportant, the way he looks down on me like an idiot while he’s all high and mighty and rubs in my face how stupid my comments are and how much sense I don’t make. So many words. And that’s still not even accurately depicting how I feel. And if I said all of this to him, he would think that this is stupid as well and that he is right and disregard the fact that I feel absolutely miserable and I am in agony and want everything to feel normal. And I know I am stubborn. And I am doing something wrong. But I don’t want it thrown in my face. Heh.. happy new year.
