Finally I told my mom about the ragging and s***** abuse I had to go through as a child in hostel.
I thought that would make me feel okay again, but it doesn’t. After that experience, I hardened myself and did everything I could to make me stronger. And I did become really strong, but I cant feel much anymore.
In order to become strong I made myself not get attached to ANYONE at ALL in my life, not even my family. I make friends, am popular but still feel as the most lonely person, coz I cannot trust anyone at all, for me trusting is like giving someone the right over us to hurt us. I made myself physically strong as hell but still sometimes, I get tired. I get tired of always having to be strong, always standing up for myself, always keep looking out for revenge and hatred towards people.
Everyone in the world around me makes relations because they all want something from me. I feel that, know it, and am cool with the reality.
But it’s just that I am tired of the faking. Faking it for people so that they respect me and praise me, for my parents about how happy I always am, for my so-called friends about how much I don’t know about their dark secrets.
Nothing makes me feel much alive anymore.. So I run, just to feel that pounding against my whole body, to feel anything but hollowness.
No, I am not depressed, just really tired and done with living.
It’s boring to me, everyone around is so predictible. Every human so breakable and deep in their own heads in their asses..
What the hell is the point of this damn s***** cycle of life??
Just being born, experiencing pain and trouble all along thinking that it’s called growing up and bla bla an then death, until next time.. No one freaking cares about the past since they don’t even know whatever the f*** they did back in their past lives. Why the hell then do we get the bloody Karma based on that?…
