Today I cried 8 :(22.12.12) You wake up in the middle of the night, tears streaming down your face, still stuck in the dream, or nightmare you had. You contemplate on your feelings and find out that, all this while you’ve just been playing. You’ve been acting in self preservation and destroying your blood bonds since forever. They’ve always been there for you, and you’ve been taking them for granted. You’ve ignored them, been angry at them, shouted at them and cried in front of them, because you know they’ll come back. They’re family! They can’t leave you alone. But the bonds are fragile. They try to reconnect, and so do you, but either party is always too bruised or tired to accept, or realise, a half formed apology. You should be their role model. You shouldn’t be this broken in front of them. You should be the one to reassure them, not the other way round. They are so much stronger than you. So confident and sure of what’s right and wrong. You should wipe these tears. So you realise, how much they mean to you. That no matter what they do, you should still be there. You’re their family! You should be their rock. Not just another burden. You will stop being weak. You will be confident in yourself, for their sake. You will do better, for them. You will stop vying for pity, for their well being. You will love them more, and in a better way. They’re family. They deserve better.

23.12.19