I’ve been struggling. I can’t really tell anyone about how I’m feeling because I already know they won’t be able to help. I already know what they’ll say and I’ll tell myself that it’s all a lie and it won’t work.

I feel so empty. I feel lost. I have nothing I enjoy anymore- and I no longer love drawing like I used to. I’m so f****** paranoid but no one seems to care. I’m want to f****** off myself and i know no one will care- my mother didn’t even take me seriously. I stopped talking to her about everything.

Everyday I wonder why I wake up. Everyday I wonder why i was put on this damned planet. Everyday all I can think about is how I’m not cut out for this s***. Everyday I stare at my computer hoping and pleading that maybe I will draw again.

I force myself to sleep. I’ve stopped taking my immunosuppressants. I stopped taking them hoping that I’d die in my sleep. I contemplate walking out to the main road down my street. I contemplate taking all the Aleve.

I’m stalked, but no one can help me. I’m watched, but no one cares. No one wants to help. I’m just a nuisance that they wished was gone. They wait everyday for me to drop dead. They wait everyday for me to be gone. No more bills, no more money spent, no more food wasted.

They keep telling me to ignore it. They keep telling me it will only get worse if I worry about it, it will get better if i ignore everything. It got worse no matter how much i ignored it. I wanted to die. I want to die. I want to disappear. I want them to go away. I want them to f*** off. I want them to f****** rot. I want to die so badly. I want to delete everything. I want that person dead and gone.

I hate myself. I hate myself so much. Why was I born.