this hurts me a lot because i know he will never like me back but honestly it was love at first sight his smile is the most gorgeous thing ive ever seen im just never enough for him ive never even talked to him ever. but i love him and all my friends are like oh its just a crush but i really dont think it is ive felt this way before with 2 other people in my life. and im only 14 lots of older people will tell me. oh dont worry about boys right now or love. but that the thin i feel im not okay when someone isnt there with me i dont even sleep in my own room cause im scared im going to cry or harm myself. i dont want to be alone, but i am even if you say im not ive told many people i feel this way before my uncle said its for attention my grandma just told me if i ever harmed myself id be the devils child. my mother is a single mom of 3, i try my best to please her but i cant seem to get anything right nothing makes me happy anymore i use to enjoy my friends but no and sims but no and my pets, nothing seems to be making me happy anymore i find myself getting up going to school and then coming home having to do the dishes sweep and mp and clean up. and i want to but i get home i sit down. and then its like a b******** cloud is over me and hes just sitting there, people say hes the devil, but this is no devil my cloud rains on me all day sometimes it goes away when my friends are around.its kinda like they pulled out an umbrella that the cloud cant do anything about, i seem to fail at everything and ive always told myself that one day i will leave but honestly im bored of this life, people always say oh im so tired about living but im not tired i mean i am but i cant kill myself my mother needs me, i wish i lived in a house on a farm with a mom and dad and my brothers and i wish we had enough money to feed my mom as well but we dont. i make us sound homeless and poor but we live in a cheap side by side with mold all over it my landlord s**** but shes to nice to get mad at my mom doesn’t believe in therapy and gets insulted when i mention it to her. i want help but dont know how to get it.