It kind of feels weird that people only want me to change… Like if I could change everything could be alright… Maybe it will but how can I tell anyone when I shout out loud it is not because not able to control my head but sometimes out of fear for the other person… It sometimes feel I am there but just not there… Those all the bests… Those friendly congratulations do not feel so friendly anymore… Something is surely wrong because I have never felt like this before… For the first time I feel like my role in life would be to sit back and see others have fun and have the bonding I want so much… For the first time people will say I am a part of there life but it never feels like one… My being there or not does not matter… No one really misses me… And that makes me feel will that be the way I have to live… Always away in feeling but not in words… Just don’t know.
