i’m in love with this girl but it’s been a year and i think she doesn’t like me in the way she did before. i am lost and confused. i feel alone when i’m not and she is the only reason i’m still living. what’s worse is that i’m also a girl so i get why she would want to leave me and live a normal life with a guy without the judgement of her conservative parents. it pains me, the loneliness is caustic and everyday i try to feel better but once i am alone again, the pain comes back worse. i try to cry to release the emotions but it doesn’t help. i just really want to die. i want to cut. but i don’t want to go back to my old ways. i have already seen that my eating disorder is relapsing and my anxiety is getting worse. my insomnia and depression is worsening. idk what to do. idk how to feel. i just really wish i was dead.