It was my abuser’s birthday yesterday, and even though I escaped her 5 years ago (or 3, since she kept finding ways to message and harass me), every year on her birthday, I can’t help but feel like I should be doing something for it. I know it’s the conditioning she beat into me. I know it’s the PTSD. I know I don’t ever want to go back to the screaming and the gaslighting and the threats…I know I can’t go back to starving myself or giving up my hobbies so I could “be better” for her and give her all the attention she wanted. I know I don’t have to live my life only speaking when she let me. I have a wonderful girlfriend now that I’m soon going to marry and who helped me heal from many of the scars my abuser left. I’m happy where I am and where I’m headed. But I hate October 6th so much. I wish I could erase that date from the calendar every year.
- 8 months ago
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