I feel lower than dirt. Completely irrelevant and unimportant. I hate this feeling. And the one person I need to help make me feel a bit better I could never ask for her support. I’m terrified of losing her. I feel sometimes I’m going to anyway even if I know that’s just my anxiety taking over. I hate feeling like this. Wanting the help but thinking if I ask for it all my worst fears will come true. I will ask and she will awkwardly not know what to do and be wishing the whole time I hadn’t asked for help. I would wish that too after seeing her reaction. I feel like the distance between us will make me less important and other people more important. I feel like I’m fighting a war I’ve already lost and I lack the tools to put up a good fight. I feel tired in the way that i could sleep for a thousand years and still not be ready to wake up. I love her but i fear she will know me and suddenly realize I’m nothing special. My insecurities are hurting me today. And I cant tell her.