Now that I’m a teenager, i miss being a kid so badly. I wish I could erase everything that has happened in the past few years and go back to being ten years old, when I used to excitedly wait for the release of the newest Pokémon game and watch Netflix all day with my brother. Things were so happy then. I loved my mom and everything was new and exciting. Now that the season is changing into Autumn, I have been overcome by an intense nostalgia and longing for the days where I would carve pumpkins with my family and go trick or treating. I miss the days when I would count down the days until Christmas with so much excitement that I could hardly control myself. I miss having parties at school and goofing off with my friends during recess. I miss the times when I was excited to go to school every day and I loved my life. Nowadays, holidays like Christmas and Halloween only succeed in bringing me sadness because they remind me of what I lost. I regard everything with a sickening sense of toxic familiarity. Nothing ever changes. Im so sick of going to the same awful school every year. I hate the fact that I’ve done everything so often that it no longer brings me joy or excitement. Nothing interests me anymore and everything is painfully boring. I hate learning. I hate my house. I’m glad that I cut my dad out of my life, but it doesn’t change the fact that I miss him and the fact that I have a hole in my heart that can’t be filled because of his absence. It feels as though my life has been split into two pieces, and the things that happened only a few years ago feel like impossibly distant memories from a past life. I’ve changed into a different person, and the way I view the world has changed for the worse
