• 5 months ago
  • 1 1

My heart is so broken. You have made so many mistakes but I still took you back after all of them. They have gotten more terrible and unforgettable. I’m sometimes stuck between my thoughts about us. Do I want to be with you or not. Do I love you or is it just my fear of being alone that keeps us together. I don’t know. I don’t know a lot of things, but the main thing that is breaking my heart every time I think about it is, that I don’t trust you. I will never know if you cheated on me. I will never know the truth that you kept away from me for so long. I will never be so mentally and physically ok around you. It will never be the same for me. These flashes of memories come to my head every now and then. And they are killing me. They kill my mood, my love for you, they make me feel so worthless, so unwanted, so bad. That bad that I can’t sleep at nights. And even though I know it’s all your fault I try to make excuses for you. That probably I wasn’t enough, I didn’t gave you everything you wanted and needed. That I’m the one that is responsible for the things that did happened between you and that girl. The things she said to me were the most painful things anyone has ever said to me, because I trusted you with my whole heart. And you just threw it away like peace of paper that wasn’t good enough for you. The pain that I felt in my body was unforgettable. I felt it in the tips of my fingers, pulsing, it felt like my heart was bleeding out, like my body just wanted to burst open and let the pain and blood get out. And even though I feel like this, like an absolute shit. I’m still with you. I can’t get myself to leave you. I’m not that strong..

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