As I enter into sophomore year, the future is beginning to haunt me. Worse than the past. Because my future is supposed to be my only escape from the past. But the girl who taught me what it means to love someone…the person who matters to me most…she loves someone else. Of course, I am happy for her. I want her to be happy. If it means being with someone else, then so be it. But as I lay here, excited cor my future, I can’t help but wonder if I will ever have a real home? There are no signs of their future together ending. And though she may or may not know it…or ever know it in fact…she became my home. I never wanted to go too far away from her, because I didn’t want to be too distant to help if she needed it. I felt safe with her. Loved. We had so many memorable moments. And it all seemed to come to an end. Maybe we were both waiting on one another to take action. Maybe I should have risked it and taken the first step for her. But now I’ve lost something I never even had. She was my home, and now I feel homeless. At the same time, I am at peace, as I can never blame her for choosing the other option, as long as she is safe, loved, and happy. But it’s the emptiness I now hold in my heart that hurts. After graduation, the thought that she could leave me, when I never wanted to leave her for years, unbeknownst to her. All that sacrifice I made, ‘just in case’ she got hurt somehow, physically or mentally. And somehow, it may not have been worth it. And yet I still will never stop. But I don’t know what I’ll do when she’s too far away. When she forgets me and moves on. When I can never love anyone the way I loved her. When I try to love again, but end up awake all night every night, staring at the stars, wondering where she went. Did she ever love me, or was she only trying? Was it all my imagination what seemed to be sparking between us, as my sparks created someone elses flame. No matter what a soul says, I know I will never move on.

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