I didn’t want it to happen like this. It’s over though, isn’t it? I can’t tell her now. She loves someone else. She always has loved that someone else.
Maybe I was mistaken. She doesn’t love me like I love her. Maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see, and ignoring everything else. But I didn’t know the pain would hit me so hard. I thought maybe….maybe she did love me back. I thought that there were signs. Who knows, maybe there were. Maybe I should have done something sooner.
Maybe she was waiting for me while I was over here waiting for her. Maybe I could have done something. Changed it. But now I don’t have a chance, because i’m not the other person. I’m just me. I’m the only me there is. And there are so many other, better people out there.
Why would she have loved me back? I’m so imperfect. She deserves so much better, and I want her to be happy, whether it’s with me or not. But it also hurts to let her go. It hurts to have to let her go, without her ever knowing that it was me. Without her ever knowing I really did love her. Letting her go but still seeing her every day and having to act exactly the same.
I don’t think i’ll ever love anyone the way I loved her. No one has ever made me feel the way she made me feel. The way she will always make me feel. All my other loves were about myself. Selfishness. But she taught me that loving someone was about them. Selflessness. And now it’s all over. I wish I could go back in time and change it. But I can’t. I’m stuck here in the present, dealing with my own consequences caused only by anxiety, love, and fear. And I just don’t know what to do.