I didn’t want it to happen like this. It’s over though, isn’t it? I can’t tell her now. She loves someone else. She always has loved that someone else.
Maybe I was mistaken. She doesn’t love me like I love her. Maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see, and ignoring everything else. But I didn’t know the pain would hit me so hard. I thought maybe….maybe she did love me back. I thought that there were signs. Who knows, maybe there were. Maybe I should have done something sooner.
Maybe she was waiting for me while I was over here waiting for her. Maybe I could have done something. Changed it. But now I don’t have a chance, because i’m not the other person. I’m just me. I’m the only me there is. And there are so many other, better people out there.
Why would she have loved me back? I’m so imperfect. She deserves so much better, and I want her to be happy, whether it’s with me or not. But it also hurts to let her go. It hurts to have to let her go, without her ever knowing that it was me. Without her ever knowing I really did love her. Letting her go but still seeing her every day and having to act exactly the same.
I don’t think i’ll ever love anyone the way I loved her. No one has ever made me feel the way she made me feel. The way she will always make me feel. All my other loves were about myself. Selfishness. But she taught me that loving someone was about them. Selflessness. And now it’s all over. I wish I could go back in time and change it. But I can’t. I’m stuck here in the present, dealing with my own consequences caused only by anxiety, love, and fear. And I just don’t know what to do.
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We’ve all been there, but after some time passes you’ll fall in love with someone else and hopfully not repeat these same mistakes.
The sun sure shines bright on your planet. 😠
Ouch. Is this the case of you didn’t tell her your feelings in time?
Yup pretty much. It was mainly because it seemed like we did have something that was simply unspoken. There were a few incidents that confirmed she did like me, but I think both of us were just waiting for the other, and I hate that I never had the courage to tell her. There was always the fear of, ‘what if i’m misreading her’ and that it wouldn’t turn out well. So I figured if she really liked me, she would tell me on her own time. But I think she just moved on. She did date off and on throughout the year of these signs and “unspoken” occurences. But this one person, she just always had the strongest relationship with. I’m not even sure this person is good for her, but their relationship isn’t mine to judge. And all i know now is that they kissed and are now together. They waited a long time to be together. I don’t want to ruin it. It’s a hard situation because I can’t tell if I will have another chance or if I should just give up. I know i’ll always love her, whether she loves me or not. I just am having trouble with this whole ‘letting go’ thing.