As a child i was bullied. I didn’t really have any friends, people only came to me when we had to do school works because i was the weird nerd everyone used for grades.
I looked like s***, i had annoying mannerisms, i was fat and i didn’t have any social skills whatsoever.
I hated my life.
But during sophomore year I met my first true friend. He started the conversation, he was a transferee so he wasn’t filled in on who “I” was. We clicked when we started talking about a certain DC character.
We became close and he didn’t really care what people would say about me.. but he did have a lot of other friends, friends who wouldn’t wanna hang out with me.
I started to get envious, he was honestly really cute, he was charismatic and he was quirky in the good way. I wanted to be more like him.
Then he noticed, it was weird for a bit but we stayed friends. He convinced me that i don’t have to be like him, i have to be the best version of me. Now i know that’s been said more than a thousand times and that’s hella cliche. But that really stuck with me.
It took around 2 years but i lost my weight, I stopped my mannerisms, I changed the way i dress, I picked up a two new hobbies to better express myself, creative writing and acoustic guitar.
By then I started to appreciate myself. I look good, I have a great body and without the fat I have a great face. But nothing could change my reputation.
Until college came, I moved and as luck would have it so would my best friend, to the same campus.
It was a fresh start for me, no one but him knew the old me. So i decided to fix my social life next. Given, i was still.. really awkward, it was somewhat hard.
But he has a likable personality and he made friends, his friends became my friends. As time went on i became more comfortable talking to people.
Eventually, we both joined the “popular” kids. Nothing new for him but something completely unknown to me. He was the “cute one” in our friendship, he always had a slender frame and a sweet face, while i was the “hot one”, my build is large and fit and i have a masculine face. I never truly got used to it.. i have to act like someone i wasn’t if i’m being honest.
I became a bit of a douchebag, I was never really popular with the girls or.. anybody really back in highschool, and now i’m taking full advantage of what i’ve become.
My best friend confessed to me. He said he’s had feeling for me. I didn’t know how to react, this is something i’ve never had to deal with before. I would be lying if i said he wasn’t attractive. I told him i liked him too. I lied. I used him.
I’m an a******, i sleep around and i use guys and girls, never actually committing. I don’t know how to stop, its just so good to finally not be the b*** of the joke, to have what i want. But i don’t know, what i’m doing is wrong. But i just can’t stop.
