A lot has changed for me recently. I was a casual, until the 6th of September... That day is going to remain forever in my head, because that day, I

6 years

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A lot has changed for me recently. I was a casual, until the 6th of September… That day is going to remain forever in my head, because that day, I caused a car accident: I got into the car too sleepy, there was a huge fog, and at some point, at the intersection, I didn’t see the truck incoming from the left, I drove out and the side of the car got hit with the truck moving around 40 km/h – the driver side was hit, and I can’t accept the fact that I, as a driver, got out without any injuries – not counting cut hands, while my mum had 10 broken ribs and my grandma had broken cheek bone. At first, doctors suspected that my mum could’ve had broken spine. I cried non-stop for the whole day and for the whole next day. I just cried. My hometown was fairly small, mostly occupied by eldery people. When people found out about the accident from TV, newspapers, internet, they already know who caused it. When I went to the hospital with my dad to check on them, everyone was looking at me like at a murderer. I remember that at the evenings I used to call my friends for a 5-minute chatter: I wanted to ask them what’s up etc, just to get my thoughts off the accident. Suddenly, most of them stopped picking up, and even texting back. I considered suicide at a certain point – the level of stress I had just overwhelmed me, I wanted to end it. Every night I lied down crying in bed like a little girl. F****** little girl. My studies started at November and when I moved out to a different city – I wanted to commit suicide even more. This lasted till October, and afteron – everything was just alright. I got back to my normal state of being, I was a casual boy like before, but am I? The February started and my insecurities and stress started to move in again. I started to percept myself as ugly: both when it comes to the body and face. I’m working on the body since November, but I can’t accept my face. And one thing that really irritates me is that… Every single one of my friends already have girlfriends or boyfriends. Some of them tell me how awesome their time spent together was, how awesome their date went. I dated a couple of girls, but I never found the right one, the right kind. The feeling that everyone is better off than me when it comes to relationships is just making me feel… Lonely. And stupid. And ugly. And incapable of love. Incapable of anything. I’m an introvertic person, yet I can’t deal with obsolete loneliness. Even when… Even when I’m out in the city now. I smile to every girl around my age as I pass them, yet only few of them smile back. I’m mostly being ignored – when a girl sees that, she’d immediately turn her head the other direction, like as if she didn’t want to look at me.
I started a journal of thoughts at the very beginning of January. I think I will continue my journey with it.

New Confession

After my dad passed away me and my mother took a trip back to Ohio so I could drop her off at her sister’s house.. I got to saint louis missouri and we couldn’t find a hotel to say at so I pull over in a rest area and parked in the back. We both got in the back of the van and fell asleep. I woke up wet so I opened up the back of the van and took all my clothes off. I woke up my mother and she did the same. She laid back down and I got in behind her and I got a hard on. My mother put her hand back behind her and knew I had one. I started playing with her t*** and then her c***. She said I don’t think we should be doing this
I told her that both of us needed this. She rolled over on her back and I got on top of her and she put me inside her. I started off slow and then fast. I could tell she was c******. Then again and then again. That’s when I put myself really deep inside her and came. It felt so good c****** inside her. We talked about it the rest of the way and said that we should do it more when she comes back home. And then she tells me that dad and her knew about the guy up the street making movies with me and his daughter. I didn’t think any one knew about that. There was even times that me and him had s**. I would s*** him off and he did the same to me. Mostly it was me and his daughter having s**. Mom said that her and dad would watch us. They were looking thru holes in the wall and after he was done mom and dad had s** with the wife and him. Mom said that she has all the tapes. I said even the ones that me and him having s**
She said yes and the ones of you and he’s wife. She said that dad help him sell a lot of them to people. Mom said she had copies of all of them. She would show me were they are when she comes home. I played a couple of them and she had all of them. Even ones with mom and dad having s** with them. Mom asked me if I enjoyed being with him. I told her yes I did. It was fun sucking him off and him c****** I’m my mouth. He did c** a lot. They moved away and mom and dad never saw them again.

Related Confessions

today has been an awful day. I won’t go into the full specifics but I feel like a failure for the actions of others and how they harmed me professionally and mentally. It came to a head when an act of kindness from one person nearly became a guilt they would carry. a lady stopped so I could cross the road. she had the right of way and didn’t have to stop. but she did. the person behind her whipped onto the shoulder of the road and around her nearly hitting me. had I walked faster, had i not been watching one persons act of kindness would have been a guilt that weighed on them. The worst part is I am not sure if am upset at the impatience of the person who nearly hit me, or disappointed I didn’t move faster.