This is my depression.I have depression bc of my insecurity and self esteem issues,its on my face.Because of it,i had so many problems in my life. I was an extrovert,i had a lot of friends since i started school. On 7th grade,almost all of my classmates are my friends until someone pointed out that i look like freak with my mole,and everyone laughed at me since then i started feeling like ugly.On 8th grade,a guy made fun of me,bullied me;the worst thing he did to me was when he pulled my hair and threathened me like he said something and said “do you understand ugly?” it was very shameful.The other boys made fun of me also and calling me names,and when i came home i was depressed and dont know what to do,and i didnt go to class the next day.I had so many absences.But i still had friends that time,i think like 7 people. On 9th grade,i only had one friend,who’s my only real best friend,she’s also was my bestfriend in 7th grade.She’s the only one i trusted,and the only one who’s been in my home,watch movie etc.On 10th grade,i felt less ugly bc i had removed my mole with an apple cider vinegar.I know its crazy,but it worked.But i didnt have real friends anymore and i felt alone.At almost end of the semester,i was really alone.I was jealous of the popular girl in my class,she had a bestfriend and the whole class liked her. No one likes to talk to me.I was still bullied by an a****** in the class. On 11th grade,my mole was kinda visible,so i tried removing it again and i messed it up,it came back and i felt ugly again.I never taken a pic of myself,in my phone i have no pic of myself.I have deleted my social medias bc of it.I became isolated,became away from other people and think only myself.On 11th grade,i transferred to a new school,which is a really bad school.It has bad reviews on it lol. I always been scared to go to a new school,bc i have to adjust but that time i was proud of my self to go to a new school. I had no real friends there. Well,i have two friends but they are not the “permanent” friends,we only are friends inside the class but thats also temporary,sometimes we dont talk to each other. The first friend,is also like me,she has insecurity and self esteem issues.She has a lot acnes,like really alot and big ones but her imperfections are more than that.I feel really bad for her bc i know what she feels everyday she goes to school,she really stick with me bc she felt alone,like she always go with me and follow me and she’s been made fun of and to be honest,her issues are worse than me. The second girl,i like her bc we have common to each other,we both dont like going to school so when there’s a program in the school,we look at each other and goes like “are you going?” “No” “lets both dont go” and we both laugh.But she has a bestfriend and we cant be real friends.I was really alone in the 11th grade,no one likes me like tbh i can feel it,everyone avoided me and when i ask them they dont really like to respond.I had a girl who’s in the same class and neighbor too which is good for friendship but we never really been friends.I was considered,the most quiet one in the class.I was the only one who’s quiet there like for real,i like to sat on the corner where the teacher cant seen me or im not really can be seen.But thr thing i appreciate is they never pointed out the flaw on my face and are very mature about it.I kinda sound desperate for friendship but i actually prefer to not have one while i have my flaw,i got used to having fun with myself. I always ask myself “why me?” there’s people out there,who has bad intentions to everyone,who are criminals etc but WHY.ME?.Could i ever be out of this misery?. When i go to school and step out of my house i feel like entering hell.
On the upcoming 2nd semester,i focus of my insecurity to get rid of it but somehow i failed,you have no idea how many times ive done the “getting rid of it” on my mole and still failed and cry bc its still there,the roots are still there. there’s just failures and things not going right until the 2nd sem. is back and still have it on my face. On the night,i cant sleep bc i have very bad insomnia,i was still up at 3am with my phone,i set up my alarm to 6:30am and the only time i left for sleep is 3 hours,so i decided not to sleep.i message my schoolmate and she said shes going there at 6 so i immediately took a shower and put on my uniform,i didnt eat and sleep,nice way of killing yourself. I was nervous and my stomach doesnt feel right so i chilled down for some minutes in my room with door open,the sun light shines through me,it was nice to see sunlight again.I dont like being late bc there’s so much things to do when i got there,too much hassle,But i also had an axiety attack and i was really scared to step out.So i decide to go to school the next day,i got on my feet,shut the door and the sunlight replaced with darkness in my room again,i removed my uniform and wore a coat and shoot up the school lmfao just kidding😂.thats kinda not funny anyway,i went to sleep,i woke up to my mom open my door and ask “you didnt even eat once today?” I ignored her and check on my phone,its 5pm and i cried. I was very depressed to the point,i have to stop school. I never knew i could come to this point in my life. I never experienced this,my school are just straight;no failures or anything but now i have to stop bc i cant do it anymore. My brother is always 1st honorable,athletic,sociable etc. but me,just stereotypical depressed artist whos always on my room.I keep on finding a way of getting rid of this problem but i cant. This mole s*** stops me from dreaming,becoming a normal person with normal life.I really like fashion and dressing up but when i want to but clothes,theres always a thing coming out of my mind “dont waste you time in this,it doesnt fit you” “you face doesnt come with your fashion” or even hygiene ffs like “think about your problem first” “whats the point of this if youre still ugly” its always on my mind. My depression even affected my meals,”why eat?” “Theres no point of eating,youre still ugly”. A lot of people dont understand this,and just says “get over it”,huh i hope its that easy people,i hope. People who never suffers this would never understand,just respect it,its like me not understanding people who go with their partners after the cheated bc “they love them” and i still respect their decision.I dont know whats gonna happen to me next. I tried saving up to go to a dermatologist,but i cant work bc of it,damn i cant even go to school. So i just work on a website creating contents and making money.But the earnings are really small. My mom did so much sacrifice for me but here i am. Its so f****** hard. There’s only one thing to get rid of,to be out of all this problems.A mark could ruin your life.

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