I’m so mad right now I have to see you with her and pretend like nothing happened before it f****** hurts my chest I know that you also felt something for me. Why didn’t you do anything? I felt the same same things for you we could’ve been so much better and now I have to act like it’s f****** nothing f*** you!
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There is a few girls from my past I wish I had done something. One from early chldhood is special to me. She’s a part of my life from one time. A good part of my life at that time. I wish we got to know each other better and I wish I had the confidence to say something to her when I saw her in our early 20s. When I some back into that time with an ATARI game or something like that, I flash back to a time, and she was there. I don’t know how she felt about me way back then, but when I saw her many years later, I could tell there was something which justified my love to me. If I had doubts, and I never did tbh, they were gone just by her expression and the way she moved, looking. I wasn’t good enough. I like to say “confidence” but it was a lot more than that better clothes, nicer haircut, to be starting to do something in my life. It’s self esteem, its true, and its one of those times I wished I was better. That didn’t happen for a few more years. But yeah. I love her and nothing since has ever gotten rid of it completely. I could never push her away or disrespect her now either. Not intentionally. Sometimes I fantasize I bump into her somewhere alone amd I can behave normal amd be myself, because I could and would, I have to women I suspect for a second ARE but they’re not and hopefully if we did rrun into each other she recognizes it and me. She would physically, but I mean me. I don’t think I’ve changed when it comes right down to it. I have, but not really when it comes down to it