If everyone should take responsibility for their own feelings, how do you justify leaving a partner who is emotionally neglectful? I don’t understand how those two things intersect. Like I have abandonment issues from a number of people in the past, but the partner disappears for over a week at a time sometimes, without warning me, or communicating it, even though they know that vanishing for so long puts me in that bad place again…and since I’ve only ever been mistreated/cheated on/vanished on, I don’t know whether it’s reasonable for me to feel aggrieved by this lack of communication. I don’t go chasing when they take a few days and normal space, I give them plenty of that all the time, but to take nearly 2 weeks away, it smacks of something not being right…
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Screwing around. Or not interested. That’s the experience I have anyway. If it looks white, it probably is white
Something is definitely not right. I’m sorry you’ve been so badly treated & by several partners. Break up with this one for sure!
It turns out lack of communication was the root of it: she’d been hiding small issues and problems between us SINCE THE VERY BEGINNING, back in spring, despite claiming to be open and communicative about arguments and shit. So every time I wondered if something was wrong, because I can read people’s emotions, I was being lied to and given no chance to change what was wrong. And to top it all, rather than go into how this disappearing act made me feel and what was wrong, she suddenly came back and immediately threw this mass of things at me to deflect, nevermind that it’s not a good thing to have 5 arguments at once.
You can’t avoid shitty people in life. All you can do is spot them and deal with their shit. I had intuitions about her from the get go, I gave her the benefit of the doubt, but all the lies and deceit, and inability to handle emotions, that’s on her. I can’t be responsible for someone else hiding problems, or running away like a child. I’m one of the strongest people there is and she isn’t going to dint me being loving and open. Equally I’m doing what I can to listen to the complaints she raises so I can change things, though it’s hard not to feel like simply being myself is the problem. This is why I feel emasculated, because people tell me nothing is wrong when it is, they get mad at me for being fine, and mad at me for raising legitimate issues, they stigmatise me when I have mental health issues and then behave like this which only makes it worse.