My wife wants to have a baby, but I’m afraid I’ll hurt my children as my father hurt me. I don’t know how to tell her that I was abused or that I’m afraid I’ll become an abuser. It’s on my mind so often that It’s stressing me out. Lately, I’ve been faking my orgasms, not because I don’t love her or find her unattractive, but because I’m afraid I’ll get her pregnant.
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How were you abused?
Because you are honest with yourself, I know you will be a great dad. I think you should talk to your wife and tell her what happened when you were young and your insecurities about becoming a dad. I know she will love and support you. Don’t let the past hold you back. Do you want children? Stop faking orgasms and have a happy family! I believe in you- you got this. If you want to talk, I’m here.
My father was a terrible alcoholic and when he was drunk, which was nearly a constant state for him, he was physically and mentally abusive. He was so violent that my mother lost 3 children to miscarriage before I was born and another one after. I grew up in a world of anger and pain and because of that, I am constantly angry and prone to violence myself. I tried therapy before I met my wife, but now that I have her, I’m terrified that she’ll see me differently and leave me if I show her my past or let her know I have these issues.
I’m truly sorry you had to go through all of that. It breaks my heart how cruel some people can be.
How long have you been married, if you don’t mind my asking. Do you drink any alcohol? To be honest, I think if my spouse was brave enough to confide in me, I think I’d love them more. Maybe go slowly.
How do you control your anger now and what types of things will make you angry? I hope to hear from you- I would like to help you.
One thing to do with you children: they will get on your nerves. There is no doubt about that. But when you feel like you are going to get angry, have a 5 or 10 minute timeout- take a walk and go over the punishment. Cool off. I wish you and your wife a long, loving, and proseperous marriage and life. Remember, too, life is better when you give a lot of hugs. ❤
Talk to your wife. If she loves you, it will bring you closer, explain some things she may already have noticed about your behaviour (not necessarily bad things, just things you do). It should also open up the kids discussion and may change how one of you feels and result in being more on the same page. Hopefully she is understanding and supportive and you can work through this together. Good luck, be brave!
Be the man you wanted your father to be with the children of the woman you love
THIS is the best advice.