my thoughts. there getting worse. much worse. i thought i was getting better. i thought i was finally getting happy. i was finally able to laugh again, so why now? WHY MUST THESE HORRIBLE THOUGHTS COME BACK? I WAS GETTING BETTER! I DON’T WANT THESE THINGS TO COME TRUE! i don’t want to do it… bu i do at the same time. i’m scared. i’m going insane. i was f****** getting better and now all my work was gone completely and iv fallen down a brand new set of stairs that appeared behind the set that was already there. its so much worse. i cant do these things. your probably wondering what these f****** horrid thoughts are. aren’t you? well hear it go’s. there about murder. not just stabbing someone. gruesome murders. me doing those murders. and do you know who i’m killing in these thoughts? my g******* family. i’m sick of seeing these f****** thoughts. they where gone and i was happy and now there back. i want them gone again. i know there are monsters in me. there waiting to get out. and i’m going to keep them in for as long as i can. but these g******* thoughts. the more they happen… the more those f****** monsters chip away. trying to break free. they enjoy it. they enjoy these thoughts. they want to do every single f****** thing my mind creates. i cant tell my family this. how the f*** would i? theres no way i could tell them without me being takin and put into a padded room and a straight jacket. i mean the only way really is to say “hey yo family nice day huh? oh also iv been having images of murdering you all! there really bloody! love you guys!” doesn’t sound good huh? exactly. i cant do anything. iv was trying everything i could to get better and it all just falls apart again. what the f*** do i do? i cant just stay here. i should run. run away so at least i can spare my family. but i cant. they’d send people to find me. id go insane without my pills. id probably kill those who find me. it would make everything so much worse. i cant do ANYTHING!! i’m just doomed to kill my family aren’t i? my family had a chance to get rid of me when i was young. when i wasn’t as attached. why didn’t they take that chance before. they should have listened and dropped me off at that F****** ASYLUM!!! they thought i wouldn’t find out about that. keeping secrets and s*** like that from me. secrets are never kept around me. f****** keeping that hidden from more for nine years. nine f****** years. but not anymore. they still don’t know i know. they really should have taken that offer to just get rid of me. now they just made everything worse for EVERYONE! i f****** hate this so much. why didn’t they just do it? i’m to attached to just be taken from my family now but now i’m a threat. they could have prevented all of this! EVERYTHING IF THEY JUST F****** LEFT ME!!! THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO. THERE IS NOTHING. I’M INSANE. MY MONSTERS WILL COME OUT. WHATS THE POINT OF FIGHTING IF IT JUST GETS F****** WORSE?!?! I JUST WANT TO GIVE UP. THEY’LL WIN ANYWAY. IT’S THE BEST OPTION FOR ME NOW ISN’T IT? DON’T YOU THINK SO? I SHOULD JUST GIVE UP RIGHT? IV ALWAYS WANTED TO BE KNOWN AS SOMETHING. TO BE KNOWN IN HISTORY. MAYBE IL BE KNOW AS THE MOST FEARED MURDERER THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN? IV NEVER WANTED TO BE KNOWN AS SOMETHING HORRIBLE BUT ID AT LEAST BE KNOWN AS SOMETHING. AFTER ALL EVIL PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS KNOWN LONGER THAN GOOD PEOPLE. AREN’T THEY? F****** HELL I’M INSANE. F****** HELL. F***. I’M CRYING. I’M NOT EVEN JOKING I’M CRYING INTO A PILLOW. I CANT LET MY PARENTS HEAR ME….. F****** HELL….. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. I DON’T KNOW. PLEASE DOSE ANYONE KNOW? I HAVE NO MORE OPTIONS. SHOULD I JUST GIVE IN? I DON’T EVEN SEE THE POINT IN FIGHTING. I’M TIRED. I CANT STOP THIS. I JUST CANT ANYMORE. I CANT! I JUST WANT TO TAKE A BREAK!!!
