my thoughts. there getting worse. much worse. i thought i was getting better. i thought i was finally getting happy. i was finally able to laugh again, so

7 years

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my thoughts. there getting worse. much worse. i thought i was getting better. i thought i was finally getting happy. i was finally able to laugh again, so why now? WHY MUST THESE HORRIBLE THOUGHTS COME BACK? I WAS GETTING BETTER! I DON’T WANT THESE THINGS TO COME TRUE! i don’t want to do it… bu i do at the same time. i’m scared. i’m going insane. i was f****** getting better and now all my work was gone completely and iv fallen down a brand new set of stairs that appeared behind the set that was already there. its so much worse. i cant do these things. your probably wondering what these f****** horrid thoughts are. aren’t you? well hear it go’s. there about murder. not just stabbing someone. gruesome murders. me doing those murders. and do you know who i’m killing in these thoughts? my g******* family. i’m sick of seeing these f****** thoughts. they where gone and i was happy and now there back. i want them gone again. i know there are monsters in me. there waiting to get out. and i’m going to keep them in for as long as i can. but these g******* thoughts. the more they happen… the more those f****** monsters chip away. trying to break free. they enjoy it. they enjoy these thoughts. they want to do every single f****** thing my mind creates. i cant tell my family this. how the f*** would i? theres no way i could tell them without me being takin and put into a padded room and a straight jacket. i mean the only way really is to say “hey yo family nice day huh? oh also iv been having images of murdering you all! there really bloody! love you guys!” doesn’t sound good huh? exactly. i cant do anything. iv was trying everything i could to get better and it all just falls apart again. what the f*** do i do? i cant just stay here. i should run. run away so at least i can spare my family. but i cant. they’d send people to find me. id go insane without my pills. id probably kill those who find me. it would make everything so much worse. i cant do ANYTHING!! i’m just doomed to kill my family aren’t i? my family had a chance to get rid of me when i was young. when i wasn’t as attached. why didn’t they take that chance before. they should have listened and dropped me off at that F****** ASYLUM!!! they thought i wouldn’t find out about that. keeping secrets and s*** like that from me. secrets are never kept around me. f****** keeping that hidden from more for nine years. nine f****** years. but not anymore. they still don’t know i know. they really should have taken that offer to just get rid of me. now they just made everything worse for EVERYONE! i f****** hate this so much. why didn’t they just do it? i’m to attached to just be taken from my family now but now i’m a threat. they could have prevented all of this! EVERYTHING IF THEY JUST F****** LEFT ME!!! THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO. THERE IS NOTHING. I’M INSANE. MY MONSTERS WILL COME OUT. WHATS THE POINT OF FIGHTING IF IT JUST GETS F****** WORSE?!?! I JUST WANT TO GIVE UP. THEY’LL WIN ANYWAY. IT’S THE BEST OPTION FOR ME NOW ISN’T IT? DON’T YOU THINK SO? I SHOULD JUST GIVE UP RIGHT? IV ALWAYS WANTED TO BE KNOWN AS SOMETHING. TO BE KNOWN IN HISTORY. MAYBE IL BE KNOW AS THE MOST FEARED MURDERER THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN? IV NEVER WANTED TO BE KNOWN AS SOMETHING HORRIBLE BUT ID AT LEAST BE KNOWN AS SOMETHING. AFTER ALL EVIL PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS KNOWN LONGER THAN GOOD PEOPLE. AREN’T THEY? F****** HELL I’M INSANE. F****** HELL. F***. I’M CRYING. I’M NOT EVEN JOKING I’M CRYING INTO A PILLOW. I CANT LET MY PARENTS HEAR ME….. F****** HELL….. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. I DON’T KNOW. PLEASE DOSE ANYONE KNOW? I HAVE NO MORE OPTIONS. SHOULD I JUST GIVE IN? I DON’T EVEN SEE THE POINT IN FIGHTING. I’M TIRED. I CANT STOP THIS. I JUST CANT ANYMORE. I CANT! I JUST WANT TO TAKE A BREAK!!!

New Confession

I wanted so bad to see and find out what my wife’s deepest darkest fantasy was. She is very pretty in early forties and I wanted to spark up our relationship with something different. She told me her friends would spice up the bedroom with roleplaying giggling when she mentioned it. This was the perfect opportunity so one night I did the unthinkable never expecting to hear her tell me she says the following. Go down and pleasure me and I might give in. Well she starts little by little and finally she Just tells me the mysterious man is barely a man in his late teens. She’s traveling by herself bored drinking wine when she hears a knock. It’s the young guy from the hotel she saw at the bar. He told her she left her card. Something comes over her and she starts to flirt and he returns later on that night. She and him make hot love all night she can’t believe how good he is. I ask her did he f*** you good? She says yes very good and she rides him even harder and he last forever and they fall asleep together. By this time I’m rock hard. The thought later crossed my mind because she does travel and she does drink wine. She’s told me younger guys always seem to flirt with her. Then something hits me. I actually think it truly really happened. I started to think maybe she made up the part about her friends talking about roleplaying? Then I realized she hadn’t been out with them for a few months how was this possible. I couldn’t get this off my mind it was just something that wouldn’t go away. I knew she could be a flirt and with wine she’s a totally different person. Two weeks went by we were at a wedding saw her friends and one mentioned it’s been a while since her and wife have spoken and my wife didn’t catch on. That night she was drinking pretty heavily and she was ready for s** when I just pulled down her p****** I could always control her once I started touching and licking her. This was my chance and I just said it. Are you looking forward to traveling back to Dallas ? Do you hope to meet him there again? Do you hope he’s ready to f*** you good again? She tells me yes I really want to touch hold and feel his huge long d*** inside of her. I then said … you can tell me the truth I won’t care. I’m pretty sure you have really fucked him and I want you to continue it’s all okay. She said yes we fucked it just somehow happened we couldn’t resist the other he was tall handsome and very s*** looking. He knew how to get his way. I’m glad your not upset I didn’t know how to ever tell you I just lost control. I said now that I know the truth I want to to be safe and continue to f*** him I think it’s hot. I know I would very likely f*** a hot young girl too . That made her go wild and she said if you eat her p**** and finger her as good as you ear me she is going to keep coming back to you and she just exploded all over my mouth f****** my face hard pushing my head deep and hard squeezing my head deep jerks screaming my name and his until she’s done. She said I wish you both would take me mmmmm. Julia continued to meet him and eventually got hooked up with another man. We both started seeing others and we love each other more than ever. We talk about how much they are good in bed. David and Julia.

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now dem da white man try to tell ya that its a poverty problem n make it all about stats. but deep down in the roots issa nigguh problem. its in our DNA nigguh.

-Artificial Blackman.