It just hit me that I will turn 40 in a month. What s**** is that I’ve outside of my children I’ve accomplished nothing. I’ve tried acting and that backfired when my agent went to jail. I had a degree to teach but my first wife and I divorced (a very nasty one) due to her extra-marital affairs and one ill-executed joke where she referenced cocaine with two cops present. Seriously, the arbitrator basically told me to sign paperwork saying I will never teach in Texas because my wife was already an established teacher for 7 years. I know women usually get ‘majority’ in a divorce but when after I signed that to increase visitation to our son she then announced that signing the ‘no-teaching’ paper also stated that I terminated all rights to our son. So I haven’t seen him in 10 years. That’s why I left Texas.
Anyway, my first child is now in her 20s and a nurse. My youngest is 4 and she is about to start appearing in commercials. I’m very proud of both of them. My son, well I read in a newsletter he does very good in basketball at his church (my old church).
But outside of that, my current marriage is failing due to my wife missing her family and friends. I’m now sleeping in the car outside her parent’s house because there is, to quote her dad: “Not enough room.” I never see her outside of her being picked up by friends and our daughter is always with the parents. I haven’t seen my family in 5 years in part because they still live in Texas (and my wife REFUSES to step foot in Texas). She also refuses to meet my family and friends. She says “I don’t know them and don’t want to know them.” Yet, I have to drive her family everywhere and do things for them.
I’ve never held a job that paid over $40k/yr. I have no retirement. I have no savings. My History degree gets me no where and now that I live in Vancouver…I have to go back to school for Canadian certification to teach. I lost that passion after my first divorce.
Right now, I’m seriously considering suicide. It don’t really consider it suicide, but more of a self-sacrifice. Knowing that my wife current wife is unhappy, and that I have really nothing to provide her it is the best option. She is Filipina and I know divorce is a taboo in their culture. So by me killing/sacrificing myself, I free her from the divorcee stigma. Instead she will be a widow. As that I rarely see her now…I probably won’t be missed.
Since I haven’t seen/heard my family back in Texas in 5 years they would never know. My wife will not talk to them and has banned me from talking to them (stating that all I do is “Talk S***” about her to them, which I never did. I’m not allowed to have a facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Email addresses. I keep one email address in secret but the rest I learn to live without. I’m too old for them anyway I felt. I’ll miss my 23 year old daughter but she is mature and will move on strongly. My son hasn’t seen me in 10 years so he’ll forget. I’ll miss my 4 year old daughter but I’m pretty sure my in-laws and wife have slowly made her start forgetting about me. Seriously, when I knock on the door they never answer for me. Pizza man, yes.
No human should live like this. But I see no other option. Since I have no job at present, no money, been wearing the same green hoody and underwear for weeks, and severely isolated from the world…I think it’s time. At least my wife will be happy I’m gone forever. And as long as she is happy (and if my first ex-wife finds out she will be beyond excited), my children grow up to lead successful happy lives, I’ll be dying knowing that I did the right thing. A 40 year old (like me) has no place in the world to ‘begin again’ and I’m just making sure that whatever space I’m currently taking up will go to someone else that deserves it and will maximize the potential given to them prior to me.
Thank you,
Gilbert Torres
All Comments
Please dont’t give up. Suicide is never the answer.
Yes it is. If a man does it to ‘free a woman’ it is the best solution. The woman can move on with no regrets or interference.
Seems to me like you’ve been living for everyone else no wonder you feel like you want to die . First you never let someone else get in the way of your contact with your children especially your oldest child. It is unreasonable for anyone to expect you to do that. You got slimed by the arbiter by what I can tell you should have a copy of what you signed maybe someone can help you by looking over it. Your current wife sounds like she is already walking out the door, don’t buy that cultur shit Philippine people divorce each other all the time. And frankly divorce doesn’t matter to her cause she is willing to see you living like this . Move on bro , do your own thing , go see your kids and take your life back. You are a grown ass man bro. Don’t let your current wife off that easy……LIVE BRO!!!!! She will get over it.
He wants to do what he thinks is the best for his wife. If she isn’t fighting him to do this than she has no interest and it is best for her. Women have lived too long under the rule of man. By this guy doing this is best for her and she won’t have to ‘get over it’ because he is nothing to get over. I love that he did this for her and the children. She can raise them the best way possible without him obstructing her.
You need to take control of your life. If your wife is treating you like shit then get a divorce. Only you can improve your life. You can not let eveyone walk all over you and then ask why you are sore. You have the right to be in your kids lives. You have to right to talk to your family. Leave your wife if she disagrees.
He is planning to leave his wife in the best way possible for her. She can now find someone that suits her and give her what she wants and needs. I applaud this man for doing that he wants to do if he hasn’t done it already.
Thank you for your honesty and real ness that you looked at yourself and realized you were the problem. If more men do what you did/plan to do, women would be much happier. Thank you as a woman for thinking of you wife, ex-wife, and children and sacrificing yourself so they can move on freely. No woman wants the ‘divorcee’ stigma and the widower one is much more attractive for a real man to sweep them off their feet.