I’m a 30 year old hawaiian/puerto rican/ and black ultra sound technician who is happily married to my 9th grade sweetheart of 9 years. Together we have 4 children together, in all 6 (2 sets of twins; 2 boys, boy & girl. The other two boy and girl) the other two, my oldest twins (boy and girl) are 13 now. They’ve finally matured and are analying the world aroynd then, thus asking me many questions. Recently they’ve come to notice they don’t look like they’re other siblings who look like their father holding a bit of my features (curly black hair, and big green eyes) while they have hooded blue eyes and straight light brown hair. No i didn’t cheat and no i didn’t have children before i met him. My twins were conceived via rape…i was 17 going to a 11pm concert, at that time i lived in a rural/country area so i had to walk quite a distance down the highway to get to my friends house.on my way there i was approached by a car with two guys in it, they got out, asked me where i was going and if i needed a ride. I declined and thanked them for there offer but then they kept asking me if i was positive. “A girl lookin’ like you could really get hurt out at this night” they kept commenting on my outfit and my body type. I got scared and held on to my mace, they saw my holding something and grabbed it from me, throwing it across the highway. They started fondling me and putting their hands under my shirt and up my skirt. I started crying and pleading that i wouldn’t tell the cops and that i would give them my wallet if they left me alone. They just laughed at me and started ripping up my clothes…then my bra…then my underwear…they ‘did it’ so hard i was bleeding. They did it until i passed out, when i woke up i was in the hospital in agonized pain. Doctors telling my mom in private that i had vaginal tearing and had been sodomized and that i had bruises, scratches and pelvic trauma. I couldn’t move i was in the hospital for about 5 weeks. It was the worst having cops question me, making me relive that moment having to go through that hurt and humiliation all over again. During the 2 weeks i was told the devastating news i was pregnant…somehow i already knew like when somethings bad you just know it’s gonna get worse. They said it was just one baby and that they were going to do an avasive dna test and test the semen samples so the police investigation can continue. 4 weeks there i was showed who my attackers were, i had to point them out behind the glass but i knew they were looking at me; i felt it. They were brothers, italian and russian. I felt a little bit better after they were locked up (which i still figt for their imprisonment to this day) bht it was bitter-sweet since i was with my boyfriend…i love him so much, he didn’t care i was pregnant, he cried over what happened to me amd vowed to always stay with me and help me with the baby, he just wanted me to be okay. 3 months passed and i felt decent after overcoming, depression but still having PTSD and anxiety causing me to now have a serivce dog (Jax). I started having unusual contractions and nightmares about 2 echoing baby cries for about a month, causing me to schedule a ultra sound only to reveal i was having twins. I felt like it was a nightmare, or as if i was watching someone else be told this, i didn’t know how to react, i couldn’t react. Instead i just silently walked out of the office and went home, staying in my room for days contemplating what i was going to do with them, and if i even wanted to keep them (not abortion; adoption) but then i didn’t trust adopted due to alot of physical, mental and sexual abuse stories. It was just to much. Finally it was time to give birth, both healthy gorgeous little kids, so much happiness and love filled me i just couldn’t part with them. Their smiles and coos it was pure perfection, they just looked at me as if they knew what happened and they that wanted to make me feel happy again. I kept them of course and ever since then their hasn’t been a dull moment with those two but now since they’re asking…how do you do that? How do you tell two children that? I don’t want them to think it’s their fault and that they shouldn’t be here and if i tell them in adulthood that might really mess them up or they could search for them…thats not something i went them to do or deal with. They’re a bit nosey so i know they went through my documents and pictures but i don’t think they’ve come across their mugshots or the police reports. I need advice i need something. I love my kids, all of them to the point i would die for them or kill for them and so much more but it would kill me to have to put such a burden on them. None of my kids know only my husband and I and hasn’t said anything, he’s only reassured them by saying their looks probably run in the family but i don’t want to lie to them, i just can’t hurt them. Thanks for reading, please give good advice..

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