15 years
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i lost my virginity to someone who doesnt love me. what the f*** is wrong with me? i hate myself for it. i thought i had higher morals.

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My dad had some friends over and they’re all like alcoholics and d r u g g i e s and s h i t so they all watched p*** on the living room tv and one of my dads friends has been known to have boyfriends in prison and my dad ran out of d r u g s but he told the guy if he gave him more that he could go and sleep in my room tonight. He gave my dad the d r u g s and he immediately went to my room to talk me into him sleeping in there. I heard all of this but was like 10 so i didnt realize what it meant. Anyway, my dumb a s s thought it was a sleepover and was playing with this man all night and he said “man its getting hot in here can we take our clothes off” and i was like “daddy doesnt care he walks around naked a lot” so he said “ok lets do it” and i thought it was funny so we took our clothes off and was playing n a k e d in my room for a while and then he made me a special drink and said that it would warm me up a bit, and it was the best drink i ever had. It tasted amazing, like nothing ive ever had before but like a strawberry soda. It was warm in my mouth and swallowing it i felt the warmth of the drink go down. He laughed as i made faces drinking it. After a little while of playing n a k e d together, I started to feel light headed and i kept swaying and almost falling over, so he picked me up and put me on my bed and said he was gonna put a movie on for us to watch and lay down to. I could hardly lift my body up off of the bed to get under the covers so i just laid there feeling this weird but tingling sensation running through my body as a disney movie started playing on the tv. Then I felt him crawl behind me and his body heat felt like a wave of energy and i said nothing as he scooted behind me and curled up to me where his body was perfectly engulfing mine. His of course was like 6’1 and I was roughly 4’9. I have an athletic build from sports and farm duties at home but dad also is a hard a s s and makes me work out with him on his gym set he has set up on the back porch. You can see the entire farm from the back porch, and my room is right next to it. I remember looking out of the window and seeing someone standing on the porch smoking a cigarette as my dad’s friend started rubbing me and massaging me. My body tingled and his fingers felt like tickles and he rubbed his fingers all over my shiulders and back and then down my spine and then my b*** cheeks which tickled so bad i squirmed and then he ran his fingers across my thighs to my front up to my w i e n e r which felt super ticklish and then to my abs and chest and then he did it all over again. When he reached my w i e n e r the second time he rubbed his fingers across it lightly making me squirm for a bit but then it felt better and less ticklish and we watched the movie like this for a while until i felt his w i e n e r poking me and he said “i’m gonna stick my d i c k inside of you, don’t move” and i couldnt anyway so i just laid there as he pushed his d i c k inside of me and it tongled and burned at the same time but then he used some stuff in a bottle that made it go numb and felt good after that. Kind of warm and i could feel his w i e n e r sliding inside of my b u t t h o l e and how massive it was compared to me. This man was ruining my hole and i had no idea what was even going on. Of course now that i’m 14 I know what it was.