I am a person who is very spontaneous about their career choices, dreams, inspirations, and just life in general. I am especially torn between school and doing my hobbies, and ever since the day I was born until now, I can never get the balance right. I can never ever restrain myself from doing what I enjoy at the current moment, only to suffer from frustration and this guilt bottling up when I have to cram everything, getting things late, and then make up excuses, saying sorry to teachers. It’s just weird because I always focus on the work I need to do anywhere and literally anywhere outside of my house, yet if I am in my house, I will always ending up browsing the internet, reading a book or two. I don’t like the way I currently am, and it feels like my organs are tearing apart from this frustration. It’s like your lungs are squeezed tight and your mind a bowl of poorly mixed salad, that does not even taste good. It’s like you’re frozen from bewilderment but you’re on short breaths. And currently, I have deadlines and exams to revise for and I could never do them to my best ability nor could I never take them seriously. And the fact that I stupidly chose physics as an intense course just makes my life a complete mess, but I have no option to quit as it is too late. Although I have been too stubborn to admit it until now, I am actually stressed out and worried about every single thing that I have been doing all of my life at school. I say that it’s fine whenever trouble hits and trouble go away, but this time, I really do have to take things seriously, and I am struggling a hella lot.
