When i was younger. Maybe 7 or 8 ( i can’t remember for sure) my friend had a little sister maybe she was 1 or 2, she was still in diapers. Sometimes i would be able to look after her and play with the little sister, but one day when no one was in the room i put her on the ground and started to grind on her. When she started crying i pinched her and she would cry even more.
I don’t know why i did this. I’m 15 now and it haunts me every single day.
i also did this to a friend maybe i was 7 and she was 4 or 5. I didn’t hit her or pinch her. I’m not sure if either girls remember. But i feel so f****** bad.
I don’t want to live with this fact and i think about it every day. I forgot about it for a long time or i just didnt remember it.
Am i a p********? Did i traumatise them? Will i go to jail?
I feel sick and have panic attacks think about this. This is the worst thing i have ever done in my life. I don’t deserve to live. I cannot stand this guilt, but i’m too afraid to tell anybody. I fucked up.
Saying sorry won’t erase my mistakes but. I’m so sorry, i’m so sorry.
All Comments
If I consider myself to be a bystander, I’d say you definitely done something anyone would feel disgusted and outraged.
However, after reading your confession, as a human being, I would say that leave it as it is, let your heart rest. Don’t dig up too much of the past and whenever this piece of memory comes to mind, just look at it with an objective perspective. You may not be able to erase this away nor can you get rid of the guilt and humiliation that you feel, but you can still divert your mind from thinking about how others will view it. You can simply think of the piece of memory like words in a book rather than hard feelings or what everyone will think of it. Just reflect on it as like: “Ah, I did this wrong.” and just keep as a reminder for you to be more thoughtful before you act on anything. And it should stop there.
Other than that, there might have been other factors affecting you to act in a certain way during that age. It might have been social influences or how adults act around you. If there are certain things that happen around you, the 7 or 8-year-old you will subconsciously learn and take it in. It’s like a father being very aggressive to his family or a sister constantly changing boyfriends like changing clothes, and for a child, whether if this pisses them off or not, they will still be very likely to do similar things.
Therefore, no matter what, just let it be and live the way that you want to be.
i’ve been doing a lot of research on this, and the only thing i think is safe to say is i’m a child sex offender.