I hate condoms! I’ve literally never worn a condom since one time back in College in 2000 and even then I slid it off while having s** – I’ve had maybe only 5 truly “accidental” pregnancies in the last 19 years of f****** without a condom
2 ended in abortion – both of which I really terribly regret
And 3 ended in miscarriage – at the time the first one seemed like a relief. I later felt sad. Years later
Now I do have a daughter and that was a little different circumstance because the wonderful woman I was with at the time who I had just met was just very lonely and very desperate to get pregnant and she was crying during s** and I stopped and she just cried about how she hadn’t been with a man in nine years and how badly she wanted a baby before she was too old to have children and I was stuck and a little confused
But she literally begged me to keep going. she cried and admitted she wasn’t on birth control and begged me not to pull out so I didn’t …
And after several crazy goes at it – each time me wondering what the hell I was doing with this woman who cried all the time – she ended up pregnant
She was so happy
I was so nervous
Nervous about becoming a father – I wasn’t ready
And I was scared for the girl too because I knew something was wrong
She cried so much those nine months she was pregnant – I guess we were starting to date and I was trying to figure out how to not s*** as much as a boyfriend or whatever and
she just cried all the time. Constantly crying over everything
She was so pretty when she cried and she knew it.
Tears of joy. She was so emotional about everything it was unnerving
She cried every day literally every day about how happy she was to finally get to become a mother
She cried and thanked me everyday for helping her realize her dream of finally becoming a mother
I felt so awful when they let me in the room during the C section
I saw my beautiful baby daughter born
And then I saw her beautiful mother bleed to death in a matter of minutes In all that horrible chaos
Because she had a blood clotting disorder she didn’t know about
And the clinic did not know about it either
And they were not prepared
The clinic thought they had an emergency blood clotting treatment in the dispensing unit or “crash cart”
They didn’t. The computer said there was a dose in there. But it wasn’t there.
It was chaos.
Precious Minutes slipped by
And she bled to death
I know those details because I had to bring a lawsuit on behalf of my infant daughter against the medical clinic and all the doctors involved
I had to sue those assholes and I asked my lawyer if I could sit in those depositions while they lied under oath and I sat there and stared at them
And I’d bring pictures of my daughter and of her mother she never got to meet
And I’d show them to the doctors and nurses at the lawyers office and say this is my daughter, she will never meet her mother because you cannot do your f****** job right
We settled out of court eventually.
$534, 000 after lawyers fees and taxes and more lawyers fees.
Somehow that’s all that’s left of the $1 million dollar policy limit from the hospital provider
We just settled last week
it’s been four long years
And $400,000 has been put in a trust fund to be managed for my daughter
About $40,000 was used for me to finish paying off my debts – I ran up a lot of debt as an alcoholic single father in my late thirties who didn’t know what the hell he was doing as a father
Daycare is crazy expensive too. You have no idea until you start having to pay for it. And late care. And kids medical treatments for even routine stuff.
Kids are so expensive
But they are so worth it
My daughter adores me and I’m astonished and terrified she will end up a sad alcoholic like me.
Daddy you like wine? That beer smells funny?
That whisky smells like fire?
Jesus f****** Christ girl
You have no idea
She caught me sneaking a cigarette again in the back yard. I told her I’d quit. And smoking was bad
She asked when she could smoke cigarettes like me
And I just f****** couldn’t stop crying
I’m f****** 40 and I couldn’t stop crying
$92,000 is in the bank now
I spent about $1,000 of it on who the hell knows. Booze mostly.
Some Christmas gifts. Some for her. Mostly stocking stuffers.
I finally went on a date while my daughter was at grandmas
Some 20 year old college intern girl at the office
It was so awkward
I hadn’t been on a date since my daughters mother died almost 5 years ago
March 2015
I hadn’t had s** in 5 years now because
Even though I’ve tried to drunkenly hook up a few times I just couldn’t get it up
Because I was a f****** sad sack
So when this extremely plain looking college girl at work chats me up at the company Christmas party I went along with it while drinking heavily
She told me she wants to be a teacher and I said that was nice
At the Christmas party she kept talking to me and asking about my daughter
Then it hit me
This girl has baby fever
It was so clear
She practically said it.
When she came over last night, after my daughter finally went to sleep and I carried her up to her bed,
The intern girl and I slipped away to my room
And I didn’t wear a condom
I didn’t ask if she was on birth control
I could tell she wasn’t because she was nervous
She said she had never had s** without a condom and was a little scared
I told her there was nothing to worry about
That the worst case scenario is that she gets pregnant and ends up with a little girl like mine
She laughed and said she hoped so
Women want it.
Even when it’s dangerous
Even when it scares them
They want it because evolutionary biology is real
They want it when they want it
You can do your part
To help the future of the human race
Being a father is the best thing that ever happened in my life
And it happened because I didn’t wear a condom
Don’t wear a condom
