a few days ago i slept with a good friends girlfriend. I didn’t want to do it but i did.. it is the single most shameful moment of my life right now. we were both absolutely wasted, she was crying because she missed her boyfriend who was on leave for 6 days in the states, i did my best to comfort her, he trusts me around her.. i took care of her that night but i too eventually drank too much and couldn’t make the right decisions. She started to kiss me probably out of sadness because she felt alone, and i didn’t push her away. A couple times i said we need to stop but we didn’t then it started. I was so drunk and it felt so good in the moment i wasn’t able to pull away, in the middle i even cried a little because i knew it was wrong. Then i totally blacked out and can’t remember what happened. i woke up sick to my stomach of what i had done. Every day i tear myself apart mentally, i’ve told some people i trust because i don’t what to do my head is fucked.. i don’t want to ruin their relationship because i really like her as a person, and shes fun to be around. I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my friend either, i really like him and hes cool. Last night i cried my life away as i reflected on my actions. I’m not a total idiot.. i know there is no way i can confess to him without ruining one of our relationships. The following day you messaged me on facebook and told me thank you for taking care of her the previous night, making sure she was safe, and i don’t deserve your words, they are far too kind for the monster i am. I would gladly take your hate and anger and resentment if it meant they could be happy together but im worried this would also ruin them too.. im the worst person in the world and i don’t know what to do, all i want to do is tell him but maybe im too scared and i just want them to be happy.. all i can do it feels like is run, im a coward and im a terrible friend if i can even call myself that now. im so sorry, please just know im sorry and i hope you hate me because you should, if you could ever find it in your heart to forgive i will know i don’t deserve it and i would never do wrong to you, im sorry Zach, im so so sorry.
