I cut my arm for the first time in months. I thought I was over it. I fought for a few minutes with a relative. It came out of nowhere. Unwarranted anger so intense and painful I had to take it out. So I fell back on old habits and took it out on my arm. Strong feelings go away so fast when I hurt myself. It works so much faster than anything else. It felt amazing regaining control of my mind like that but I’ll had to rock long sleeves in the middle of summer for a while. I’m a lot better than I used to be and I’m happy that I don’t resort to self harm nearly as often as I used to. But I can’t keep making self harm a last resort to work out my emotions. I want help. But on the good days, the days I should be energetic enough to out help myself, I always go back to doubting my decisions because I don’t feel sick.
