Growing up on the edge of desperation, never having enough, mother burnt out on life, father overbearing, brother out of touch I masturbated my way through puberty, lost my virginity at 14 to a guy who worked at T Mobil, worked from 16, I had to be self sufficient. But now my man wants mom at home, wife on an allowance, four kids and life in the suburbs. If I ever told him I was s******* active at 14, I had an abortion in college, I’ve kissed girls, not to mention drunk parties and unknown s** partners he will kick me out. I play lovey dovey, mommy material, wife at home, cooking and entertaining, budget conscious, sober. At 29 it is now or never. I grew up far away, another state, my parents are deceased, my brother lives in his world. I lied, and lied and lied. Before meeting my man I never went to church. Marriage means stay at home, and babies. He is 44 and no babies is a deal breaker. I’m a fake. But not as fake as those church moms, pray for this pray for that. I bet they have never been fucked and dumped. So I feel guilty but he is worth the lies. I just don’t know if I can have four kids.

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