I have shamefully disgraced my Father and ungratefully abused the gifts he graced me with. I grew up prideful, arrogant, and a liar. Doing whatever it took to protect my image, and I looked a fool doing it all. This is silly, let the world know that I have lied and committed a sin because I was not confident in who I am and what I will be. That’s right, I lied. I was so scared of being stupid I lied about getting into WORLDLYEXCUSE — I was rejected. I lied about a WORLDLYEXCUSE and I switch from here to there and was so ungrateful for what I was given. I lied about it all. I use photoshop, I’m obsessed with image and instagram. I auhskjfksdjfns about WORLDLYEXCUSE, I was unconfident. I’m not good at anything. I even lie to myself. I seduce other men. I want to be good, so I act good, but I’m cheap and silly and not good. I’m going to make something of myself, because I’m going to give my gifts everything I have. Like God wanted for me. He gave me so many luxuries but my stupidity made me throw them all to the trash, I’m utterly disgraceful. I’m also lustful — because I have a pretty face and a good body. It’s disgusting. I spend money that isn’t mine, it belongs to my hard working parents. I sound harsh on myself, but how can I not be? I’m stupid, I can’t even get good grades, I lied about my work, I lied about everything. I felt like I worked hard, I tell everyone that I am passionate, but in the end I am a talented sloth who excels at nothing. How will I ever face my boyfriend? What if he leaves me, what if… God hates me? Will he forgive me? I am afraid of the losses, but I must realize that he’s the one who gave everything to me, and he’s also the one who can take it all away. The idea that I could have had it all hurts, but, I pay the price for being such a stupid rich fool. Does it look like I have it all? Because I have nothing. I’m a talented singer, dancer, speaker — I’m smart, funny, and kind. I’m powerful and brave. I guess I turned out pretty well, but not enough. I don’t have the power of prophesy, and I don’t see where my life is going. It’s all because I sinned. How can someone as able-bodied as me be so worthless and useless? Is it because I doubted? I would rather be disabled and have decent character than be the ungrateful brat, because the one who has more has to givve more. And I had given almost nothing, I only contribute stress to others. I want to be more pleasant, more perfect. I need to be worthy. Abba please, give me a chance, I need one more chance please. Please. Please. Please. Please don’t abandon me… please. I’m sorry.
