I’m a male, 16, who suffers from anxiety, depression and ASD (autistic spectrum disorder). I receive treatment from CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), as well as outings and help from social workers. They arranged a few months ago for an outing with some other students who undergo CBT. I agreed, I thought that it’d be new and full of opportunities for friendships and relationships. When I got there (the social worker drove me), she left me in the company of 3 staff members. They patronized me from the onset, smothering me with fake smiles and hellos like a child. I then met the kids, all of them were the 1-3 years younger than me. I then saw that they weren’t moving, or each step they took was heavy and slowed. I saw the void in their eyes, the saliva drenched-mouths. The top half of their head outweighed the bottom, like skulls bearing flesh. Each moan, each flail, mechanical whirs. It was like they were machines, monitored and programmed by the staff. They weren’t “shy” as she predicted, they were braindead. We played rounders and cricket in solemn, slender, silence. The grey clouds above held more life than they. I ran with flailing might, batted with brittle force, laughed with melancholy vain. Mined, shattered, cracked, I limped to the “you’re very fast”s and sobbed to the “oh good boy”s. I felt like a burden to society, as though this was their generalized opinion of me. I was numbed on the drive home, looking at the ground the whole time. In desperate plight I pleaded, but the dark cloud’s flight never receded. Pleading, I asked the worker to not take me back. I hardly have a learning disability, I might be a computer programmer when I’m older! She didn’t listen, she laughed. Once home, abandoned with my drunken dad, I skipped tea. Laying on the pillow, I cried and screamed what those things were. Things hardly human in appearance. As well as the ones who forged the system’s flame; “mannikins!”

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