I think i encouraged someone to kill themselves. Ok so I have always had a melancholic, depressed mindset. And if I have to speak for myself, I wouldn’t f***** hesitate to end my life in the blink of an eye. I just don’t want my parents to feel sad. And we have this university enterance exam that seniors and grads take every year, that exam fucks up all the students’ life and psychology in our country. Like there are so many young People in thir early 20’s that killed themselves after it. The most idiotic education system ever. Anyway, so it happened last year. Me and my friends were gonna take that big exam in less than 2 months. People were starting to get tense. There was a girl in my friend group, who couldn’t seem to get her grades up, it was like she knew she was gonna s***. This one day, a guy in our friend group suggested to go to a bar that Friday night to cool up. Every one thought it was a good idea so we did. We drank, got drunk, had conversations, made out with eachother a little, danced, etc… As the bar tender was preparing to close the place, it was just me, that sad girl, and another dude from our friend group. We started talking about some real deep and philosophical s***. And that moment was the first time i came clean about the personal reasons of why i wanted to kill myself. I didn’t know when to stop. I kept pointing out clever reasons to do it. The other guy tried to shut me up but i went on. She was listening very carefully. Eventually the guy started to get pissed and stormed off. We kept talking during our way to home. Two days later, we heard that she had killed herself. Hung herself over the ceiling in her room, possibly when she was home alone. When i heard the news, all i could think of was that night, what i said to her. I heard my voice’s echo in my head and i could imagine her face listening to me carefully. When we heard the news, my angry friend who was with us at the end of the night, looked at me, gave me small glance as he knew this was gonna happen. I failed the exam that year, i sucked. I am getting prepared again this year.
