These past few months, I can’t help but keep fantasizing about my exgirlfriend from over 8… i mean 13 years ago, even though I’m otherwise happily married for the past 4 … I mean 9 years to a great wife.
My wife and I took a trip to Texas this past weekend, … I mean 5 years ago …and when we stopped in Waco for gas I swung by my old apartment where I first had s** with my exgirlfriend when she was only seventeen years old, and I couldn’t stop thinking about her the rest of the trip.
Later I kept thinking about my exgirlfriend when my wife and I were having s**, it’s a wonder I didn’t accidentally call my wife Sarah. My exGF used to wear s*** high heels literally every day, even when they’d rub up against her bare skin on her feet and give her terrible blisters, shed just put band-aids on her blisters and keep on wearing her high heels; now, by contrast, my wife almost never wears high heels. Then when Sarah found out I thought it was s*** when she’d wear a skirt without p******, she literally just stopped wearing p****** all together, just because she wanted to have me thinking about her constantly. It totally worked, at least for a while.
Also, I’ve also had alot of guilt lately over when I accidentally got Sarah pregnant then pressured her to get an abortion against her will when she was barely nineteen years old and I was in my mid twenties, only to cheat on her right afterwards, then dump her. Poor girl ! My Love Sarah feel into a deep depression and became a chain-smoking nervous wreck afterwards. I think she was smoking at least two to three packs a day or more, probably still hopelessly addicted to cigarettes, maybe forever. I still feel awful about that.
Now my wife and I have been having fertility problems for three …ok now … 8… years and are losing hope of ever having children, whereas I got Sarah pregnant by accident in about a year while she was supposed to be taking birth control pills (although she often forgot them, but then pretended like it was cute. Thought crossed my mind it was on purpose). Anyways, of course I’ve never told my wife about to abortion I made Sarah get, because I had just started dating my future-wife on the side when I found out about the pregnancy. It was awful, and I still regret how I handled everything, even 8 … now 13 years later.
So why Can’t I stop fantasizing about my exgirlfriend Sarah ? She was so short, and so sassy and so voluptious, It drive me crazy just thinking about her sometimes! I keep fantasizing about wanting to impregnate her again, not only when she was nineteen, but even before, like when she was still only seventeen and we first had unprotected s**, because she was so insistent and I just couldn’t say no. Its all counter factual fantasy, but I wish I’d asked her to keep the baby. She wanted to get married and raise the baby with me when she was barely nineteen and in college. I was in my mid twenties, I should have been a man about it, but i wasn’t, I was a coward and I freaked out and said no way and made her get an abortion. Worst thing I’ve ever done, now I’m damnned to Hell for sure no matter what; and I still can’t stop fantasizing about sarah no matter how hard I try. I love Sarah forever …but deep down I know Iām going to hell and she needs to be away from me for her own good!
What can I do?!? My wife deserves better than me, but I just can’t tell her! What else can I do?!?
