Id been feeing bad these holidays because I had unprotected s** with a girl I met online who was between 12 to 13 back in 1999 when I was in college and a lonely virgin.. she didnt live too far from where I went to college so I drove out to see her after chatting online oneday… She wanted to be a cheerleader and had a very mature body shape… we fooled around basically because I was old enough to buy her cigarettes and alcohol and I had a truck and would sneak her out at night and on weekends… it had only been a few months that fall when She got pregnant …
and her mom moved away right before the baby was born from arkansas down to Texas after a divorce so I never got to see the baby girl… I was scared of going to jail since I was in college so I never went looking for them and never heard from her again … so I never saw my daughter

Its been a truth tearing at my soul for years… also because the prospect of jail time hung over my head so I could never tell anyone… but now the statute of limitations to prosecute me for underaged s** passed long time ago so I wont ever see jail for it…

but now Im
divorced again because Im an alcoholic and a loser alone during the holidays so what do i do, I go to a s********* in Austin, Texas

last night at a s********* in Austin There was a stripper that looked EXACTLY like that girl had looked some 19 years ago… except her eyes… SHE HAD MY EYES… I was in shock

I offered to pay for lap dances, then just pay her to sit and talk to me. I paid for a private room. She smoked cigarettes one after the other and dangled her high heels while she talked to me and I just stared at her body and asked where she was from… she said Austin, Texas… and eventually I got her to tell me where her mothers family was from and she said Hope, Arkansas

My jaw dropped on the floor.

she said her mothers name

I had honestly forgotten until she said it

when she showed me family pictures on her phone I almost lost it

it was her

I just knew it

I asked where her dad was in the pictures

she said she never met him

I started sobbing

I couldnt stop crying

she held me and told me it was ok

I didnt know if I had the strength to tell her

so I just kept on crying like a woman

Merry Christmas

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