It’s night time and everyone’s in their room right now, I’m in the middle of packing my bags. I read all the comments and feedback from everyone on my confession, The good and bad. Thank you. After I’m done packing my bags, I’m going downstairs to get my dads gun. I don’t want to eat their food, I’ll just look for something near the highway or in the woods.
The first comment is the truest and hits the hardest. Thanks for advising that I should get help, but I don’t want to burden my parent’s by asking for it. I can tell my father hates me and regrets even having me. He never looks at me anymore not even when I came down to eat. He just got quiet and left, I don’t want to be a problem child and my mom said that they were going to keep it a ”family secret.”
It was so embarrassing coming home and seeing everyone sitting in a circle waiting on me, My grandma, my parents, 3 sisters, my 2 brothers and 2 cousins. They tried to make me confess in front of all of them. It was the most heartwrenching and embarrassing thing ever. They told my older brother to let me be an example of what not to do or be like and they told my sisters to watch out for rapists in the future and that some men are impulsive and can’t control themselves sometimes. Even then I never confessed to r***** her no matter how much they tried to get it out of me. I just looked down at the floor silent with my hands covering my face the whole time…It hurts. My grandma told them everything in full detail, From me r***** her and the vulgar words I was shouting at her while I was going it. I hate myself, I hate myself, I just can’t anymore. I just sat there like an idiot until everyone left but my dad was the last one to leave, After everyone left he was still there and after a while, he came up to me and gave me a piece of his mind he yelled and he put his hands on me. Choking me and hitting my head against the wall telling me if I ever did something like that again he’d snap my neck. It’s so embarrassing every time I tried to apologize to my grandma my words…they just wouldn’t come out and my throat would tighten…I just want her to know I’m sorry..and even though she forgave me in front of everyone I just can’t accept it.
I hate it when he looks at me, with those unforgiving eyes I hate it, I hate how he says nothing to me and ignores me. As if he didn’t already hate me enough…and then I went and did this. I abandoned and lost all of my friends after this Because I feel like s*** and..I don’t deserve friends.
There’s no seeking any help for me, There’s no one that can help me. I hate myself and hate what I did. It’s true that I wasn’t remorseful when it happened and I liked how it felt, but I never wanted to become a r***** or ever thought I would lay my hands on any woman. I’m just going to become a wanderer and after a few days of wandering. I’m going to blow my brains out somewhere, Christmas is almost near and my parents will get there wish.
Anyway, I hope everyone has a great Christmas bye.
