Since I was 14, I’ve always been attracted to my older, adoptive brother. We’ll call him James. We adopted James when I was 2 and when I was 5 I remember how difficult it was for him to adjust living with us. He wasn’t used to our way of life yet and he was often very angry. The day my mother and father brought a 15 year old boy home, he was furious, always getting in trouble, and was never nice to anyone BUT me. From what I can remember and what my parents told me, James always had a soft spot for his new little sister. He’d play through my tea parties, he’d play the dragon while I was the princess – waiting to be rescued by my prince. (who my cousin Angelica played. Love you Angelica lol) But other than me, James didn’t like anyone and he had no problem with expressing his distaste for my parents and all of the family and family friends. Through middle school and high school, James had a lot of girlfriends and got into a lot of fights. The altercations often led to 3 hour long detentions on Saturdays or a suspension from school but if there was one thing for absolute sure, it was that James was an extremely intelligent kid. It wasn’t until James was leaving for the University of Columbia that James ever showed any affection toward my parents. He hugged them, thanked them for the extraordinary life and the chance to make something of it. To say they were beyond happy was an understatement, both my parents, who I have never seen cry in my entire life, had tears running down their faces as they exchanged ‘I love you’s’ with James, hugging him goodbye with his suitcase of clothes in his hand. Before he finally walked to his terminal, James turned to me handed me a necklace. James had this necklace since we adopted him. He never took it off and he always kept it hidden in his shirt. I was only 6 years old and hardly understood what the necklace meant to him. He told me he loved me very much and that he would be back to see me and our mom and dad as much as he could. This was also the first time he had ever called our parents mom and dad. Over the years, I got older, realized the crush I had on my adoptive brother, James graduated Columbia, started his own successful business of investing a lot of money into growing businesses but James would never bring a girlfriend home. Ever. And when my mother would ask him about it when I was 18, he’d say he had no time for casual dating, which would have made me feel really good if I hadn’t known that he was the biggest p****** ever. James was intelligent, kind, and had grown a lot since his younger, troubled self – but there was no mistaking that he has a very large body count. Having the crush on him that I did, it always made me furious and I often took it out on James as something completely different. Something like “you’re breaking their hearts, you jerk!” James is now 33 and I am 20 years old. It’s the Holidays and James has come home from Manhattan for Christmas. I also came home from my second year of college. When James walked through that front door, he took everybody by surprise. Nobody expected him for another week and I couldn’t contain the joy I felt to see my older brother. I was the first to greet him, running as fast as I could and hugging james as hard as I could. I hadn’t seen him for almost a year. Of course I’d call, but it was very rarely because I knew he was always busy. When he set be back down, he kissed me swiftly on the head and went to greet our family and a few friend we had over. That’s when she walked in… A tall, lengthy, willowy blonde. She looked like a super model and at first, I thought she might be. She’s was the complete opposite of me. While I had long, raven colored hair, a curvy body from my mothers Latina heritage, she had short blonde hair, was slim, and had an elegance to her. I was firey, but she was classic and cool. She immediately introduces herself as Shauna, but told me I could call her Sha and how excited she was to meet me. That James absolutely adored me and loved talking about his little sister. She complimented me on how beautiful I was and I did the same. But the conversation was very short before my mothers excitement to see a female with my brother took over and Shauna was taken away to meet everyone else. I stood by the door, unconsciously playing with the necklace around my neck and staring out into the courtyard of our home, filled with snow and now my brothers Bentley SUV. Fast forward through the day, where instead of hanging out downstairs with the rest of the crowd, I opted to stay in my room, feeling sad and hurt and working on a paper that I had nearly a month to write but couldn’t stomach the idea of seeing James and Shuana together. When dinner came around, I was finally pulled out of my room by Shuana herself and we all ate and laughed and had a good time. When we finished eating, I started to clean up the plates while everyone sipped causally on wine in the living room when my brother walked into the dining room and asked if I needed any help. Immediately, I have him the cold shoulder. He noticed instantly, asking me why I was upset and with that I blurted out “Are you going to break this girls heart too?” This was obviously a low blow to James because he blinked a couple of times before regaining his cool, but not slightly aggravated composure. He told me that it wasn’t like that for Shuana and they were more friends than anything. That he wanted to bring her home because he knew it would make mom happy. I ignored him the rest of the time we picked up the dining room. Deciding to clean the dishes myself, I was annoyed that James stood beside me with a towel and began to dry. He had tried talking to me, but was only met with silence. James eventually to frustrated (this was last night guys) and grabbed me by my face with his hand and asked me why I was being so disrespectful and before you think ‘wow, he sounds abusive grabbing her like that’ James would never hurt me and I knew that. He wanted me to look at him and I wouldn’t. It didn’t hurt, I promise. I obviously ripped away from his grip and he quickly grabbed me by my upper arms, he firmly told me to stop and to talk to him. He wanted to know why I was acting this way. And that’s when I did it….

I kissed my brother. As soon as it happened, he pulled away but his grip on my arm never faltered. He didn’t say anything and only stared at me for a minute. And when he finally said something, it was cut off by Shuana walking into the kitchen, asking if we needed any help. I accepted, telling her she could help him finish because I wasn’t feeling well and was going to lay down. Fast forward through the night, it was 3 A.M. and I was still awake, hating myself for what I did when I heard someone come through my door. I was in my bathroom just finishing a skin care routine and braiding my hair for bed when I walked out and saw my brother standing in my room. Gosh, guys, I could still remember what he looked like. I mean it was just last night but still… he’s such an attractive man. His white dress shirt was unbuttoned, still tucked into his black slacks and neatly tailored at his shoes that probably cost more than my college tuition (which he paid for). He held a glass of brandy in his hand and the other hand was stuffed into his pocket. I didn’t say anything, just walked straight to my bed and slipped under the covers. He said my name, trying to get my attention but I kept ignoring him. He set down his glass on my nightstand and brushed the hair from my face. He said nothing but “You’re my little sister.” I started to cry and he grabbed me and held me in his lap while I did. I told him I was sorry and I’m would never do it again. He stayed silent, holding me. It wasn’t until I stopped crying that he wiped the tears from my face and kissed my cheek. And then he kissed my cheek again. And again. And this again but closer to my mouth, and then closer, and then my jaw, and then closer to my mouth again and then on my mouth. He kissed me on my mouth. He kissed me hard too. Very hard. He tasted like brandy and very very yummy. We didn’t sleep with eachother, but we did kiss for a long time and I did feel his erection inbetween my legs.

Now it’s the morning today, around 11:15, and I’m still in my room thinking about last night and all that happened.

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