I always watch these videos of fat folks losing like 400 pounds and they always say “oh I had a heart attack at 23 and realized I had to take care of myself” or ” I got on a plane for an interview but I couldn’t fit in the airplane seat, I was too fat” or something dramatic like that.

I’m not 500 pounds or anything, I’m 5’8″ and probably 260 pounds or so (idk, I haven’t weighed myself in at least a few months). I was never thin or anything, but this is by far the heaviest I’ve ever been. It’s been a downward spiral for the last 2 years or so. I have so many new stretch marks around my stomach area, it honestly looks like I was recently 9 months pregnant. I’ve never been pregnant. My face looks so fat, I can hardly bare to look at myself in pictures or the mirror. My health isn’t great, I overheat very, very easily and get really sweaty, and I can’t walk up a half-flight of stairs without becoming winded. The sound of my laugh has changed to a wheeze, presumably because of all the weight I have gained. And yet, none of this is enough for me to have a “wake up” moment. I don’t know what its gonna take for me to get my s*** together. I wish I could get an “ah-ha!” moment, I wish I could find motivation to go to the gym and not binge-eat for more than a week or two at a time. The longest amount of time I went to the gym was maybe a 3 month period. I was in pretty good shape, and then I just slowly stopped, and started eating more food, and less healthy food. I know I have some good habits surrounding fitness and food etc, I just have a lot of bad habits too. I don’t know what to do, I hate myself this way, but not apparently enough to do anything about it. It doesn’t make me angry enough to go to the gym consistently, it just makes me depressed enough to avoid leaving my house or pursuing relationships, etc. I feel guilty that I don’t have the will power to fix this problem.

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