I’m so bored with everyday life and everyone telling me what to do that I genuinely sometimes fantasise about committing a murder. I don’t have to even get away with it but the idea that I have enough control to end someone’s life is so inviting.
Now this may sound not so dramatic; and it isn’t; but I have been struggling with mental illness for a large portion of my life, but I partly blame the drugs the doctors put me on.
I’ve felt so numb for so long as a result I want to do something to just be able to feel.
Obviously I won’t do anything though. I’ve still got enough rational thought to understand that the legal system would incarcerate me quick, but the urge to do something awful to someone is mounting more and more.
I’m already pretty awful of a human; I have a drinking issue, I’m manipulative and am currently stringing along 3 different idiots that think I love them so they shower me in gifts and compliments. I’ve got an odd charm to myself that means I can quite frequently get away with things others cannot.
But y’know I’ll probably kill myself before I can do anymore damage to people, so it’s all cool.
Just wanted to get this off my chest so the rational part of me doesn’t give up completely.
