When I was younger around 14, my parents got us a cat. He was the tiniest cutest little kitten so innocent and new to the world.
And one day, I assume because I was having a horrible day and I had lost my temper and in, what I have fully concluded was a pure act of evil, I put the cat into a pillow case and started banging him off the side of the couch and the cushions so much so to the point that when I was finished he had blood on his nose.
This has eaten away slowly at my soul for far too long.
I hate myself for doing it, I know I’m not a bad person, I know I’m not inherently evil, but every time I think about it I become filled with a self-hatred and self loathing that have me actually contemplating taking my own life to eradicate the evil that I have buried deep inside.
A similar incident happened about 8 years ago with my current cat. And I can’t help but wonder if I’m legitimately a p************ and if I even deserve to continue on…..
All Comments
You don’t have evil, nor do you not deserve to continue on. Your issue is that you have no control at all over your life.
Also, you need to learn how to properly cope with stress.
I can understand stress, but abusing an animal over it is absolutely not the way to deal with it. If violent behavior-for a lack of a better description- helps you, perhaps get yourself a punching bag.
You misunderstand. It’s never an intentional thing. I don’t think about doing it, then do it. It just happens. It’s not a coping mechanism for stress. It was something I didn’t realize I was doing until after the fact.
Please see a therapist. That’s even more worrying, because if you don’t have control over it, you could end up doing it to a person! It definitely sounds like you have psychological issues. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it just means you need a little help, for everyone’s safety.