More thoughts on Dylan- I don’t feel in control. I’ve been off drugs for 5 years and haven’t had any temptation for years- except s**. I haven’t done anything bad really, but the intensity of craving is more like drug addiction than anything else. It worries me. I feel like I’m going to break and because the risk of coming onto my boyfriends friend is too high it’ll spill out sideways somewhere- I’ll send an old friend nudes or something. And that won’t do it, I don’t think any women get anything out of sending nudes but attention. But there’s nothing climactic to attention and therefore it’s never fulfilling. Anything done for attention is progressive. I just feel like I need something because I want this man so badly I can’t imagine doing nothing. I guess I’ll have to though. I understand the nature of this problem too well to continue with the script as if I don’t know the disaster it will end in.
