Guy Fieri came in to slammers tonight and recognized my blue popper bandolier, extra small leather vest and pink dolphin shorts.

“Corvallus Winslow I presume..” Guy said rakishly.

“Gooshy Guy, I’ve been waiting for you” I said as I took a bottle of Pig Sweat poppers from my bandolier, took a huff, dropped my shorts and bent over for his thick Italian c*** with bleached blonde frontbush to enter my eager backsnatch.

“Emeril Lagasse was right! Bam! This backsnatch is GANGSTA!” Guy shouted.

Suddenly a man I used to date named Dookie Dunker Dushawn came up and put his d*** in my mouth. This turned Guy off and he didn’t jizzle my jampony. My night was ruined but hey, Black Loads Matter and NO LOADS REFUSED!

–CORVALLUS