i want to run away
somewhere safe
somewhere warm
somewhere i don’t feel overwhelmed all the time
somewhere i can rest
somewhere that doesn’t tear me apart, piece by piece
somewhere i can smile and laugh freely without fearing that i will be bombarded by my problems and responsibilities
where the weight on my shoulders don’t feel so heavy
somewhere i can close my eyes for a bit
somewhere i can breathe for a bit
somewhere i can be at peace
i feel like, reaching that certain point is possible in this world
but not for people like me
people like me are like worms
we are nothing but prey to the birds
i cannot ask for help, because even if i cry, no one will come
no one will reach their hand and tell me to hold on to them
no one who will help me up when i fall
at least not in a literal sense, i have friends, but they’re thousands of kilometers away, and, slowly, whether i like it or not, (and i definitely don’t like it) we are drifting apart
it can’t be helped, i’ve prepared myself for situations like this as a kid fresh from childhood, at least, emotionally.
because i knew, that people don’t stay, that at some point in your lives you will reach a diverging path, and despite you hoping so hard that you will still continue your journey together, you will have to part with them, for they are destined for something else, and so are you, so you don’t have a choice but to bid them goodbye.
but that doesn’t mean i can ignore the dread, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt
it still hurts, a lot
it feels like someone is reaching inside your mouth, to your chest, and grabbing your heart, squeezing it so hard that it might burst, and it burns, it burns and it hurts, but you can’t cry out, you can’t cry, you can’t tell it to stop hurting, you’re forced to bear the pain as you suffocate
is this what living is? is this all to it?
i don’t want it,
