I am in a relationship, or I think it was. We hardly talk to eachother, he doesn’t make an effort to speak to me, but that’s probably because both of us are neurodivergent.
Don’t get me wrong, I love him very much, or, I thought I did. I am just realizing on how I really misinterpreted my own feelings. I didn’t see the true him, I was just obsessed with the idea of us, but not him. I was obsessed with the idea of him, but not his whole self. I feel my feelings fade, and it scares me.
Thing is, I am in love with someone. After growing up with this person, I just realized how much I love him. I’m in love with him, I know this isn’t a crush. I am not obsessed with the idea of us, I am in love with every thing about him. His cute face, his anger, his passion, his emotions. Mostly, I’m in love with his caring for others. He cares so much, he is just full of love and joy. It saddens me too see the world break him down. It sadden me more since he doesn’t love me back, he isn’t gay. We tried before, and I thought these stupid feelings would go away when I started to date my current boyfriend, but they haven’t. I still love him deeply. Even though he would never love me back, I will do anything for him. I want him to see the good in the cold world. I want to help him find the love he craves to give to a women who gives the same back, and I will do anything in my power to protect and help him in life. That’s why he is becoming my roommate after this covid situation is over, his parents are too hard on his mental help. One day, I will be able to be able to have no problem showing love to others, but I will always have that caring for him.