I often think about myself being so weak and helpless and completely useless at life that I have now sunken to stalking and intimidating a little preteen girl in order to even REMOTELY feel like ANY kind of a man ever again– and being so completely ineffectual that after MONTHS of meticulous planning and stalking—when I FINALLY get her all to myself– I just fumble all over the place and am too weak to overpower her. She just treats me like a harmless cartoon villain, patient, complacent, calmly rolling her eyes and giggling at my utter incompetence and misery until I finally just break down into complete tears. Then she calmly sits me down for a nice, quiet talk—. promising me that “If you act nice, I’ll try my best to stop laughing.” I ask her why she would need to try though, and she just gives a soft little cackle before catching herself.. She soothes me, gives me a snack, wipes my tears, and lets me hold one of her dolls. I tell her I could have handled this if SHE were just a doll like this one– and she cackles cruelly, teasing that even her doll could probably beat me up, and I sit in awkward silence with an obvious hard on. She thanks me for thinking she’s so incredibly pretty (She snickers secretly under her breath as she says this), but explains to me that trying to scare her like that was a very mean thing to do. I point out that it was mean of her to laugh at me too, and she starts to giggle helplessly all over again– but she takes pitty on me, and allows me to have any souvenirs of hers that I want, and promises to tell her parents that the man who “stole” them was “REEEEAAAALY scary and bad– LOL!” I ask her if she can PLEASE at least TRY to cry and act frightened when she talks about me— she puts on a big, exaggerated thinking expression— but can’t even hold THAT together without snorting more laughter. I explode at her to stop that before I MAKE HER cry. She leans right into my face with a cold, deadpan expression; “Shut up. Right now. Or I go tell. Yeah– that’s what I thought, HAH!” But she really only does it to see my hard on twitch and jump.
She lets me take any items I want from her room or her shower— she’ll even give me everything she’s wearing if I want it— but that I’ll “just have to sit here and be good while I go get changed, because you can’t see me naked— that would be too gross.” She only really does this to give me some small accomplishment, as it’s all I have left, and I’m completely harmless, so why not? It’s the only goal in life I’ll ever meet, so now I’m just on the streets, jerking it to the things she gifted me, alone behind a dumpster in a cold, rainy alley– while she goes on with her beautiful, perfect life. Maybe she occasionally sees me around the dark, dreary corners of town– taunting me and tossing the occasional little token of herself down into the gutter for me to scrabble for– and always– ALWAYS– her cruelly perfect little snickers and giggles.