Imagine some bright young thing having a massive period gushing down her thighs at the breakfast table, demolishing her fourth bowl of cornflakes cos f*** the grocery bills. Gushhhhhh. Cucumbering herself silently like a fruitarian volcano. She’s getting *her* five a day. She’s ambidextrous, she doesn’t care about no damned cucumber left-handed etiquette. Oh girl, how are you ever going to coordinate your outfit today?