My mother and father never gave me hugs as a little girl or told me that they loved me, My mother did buy me birthday gifts and buy me clothes and food but thats as far as her affection goes,
She never came out of her room because he told her not to, plus she was so in love with my father she couldn’t see straight and gave him total control over the household and everything in it, She only shows any affection when it comes to a man.. He beat me with leather belts and shoes really bad over stupid stuff, He also beat my sister brother and mother on the daily…
And he made us clean and scrub all day
While he sat down and drank beer all day,made us do military exercise and if we quit would beat the crap out of us too, He didn’t even have a job maybe one or two for a short spell..
He used to try and pay me for s** when I was about 9 Y/O and every time I would say no he would put his price up( “how about 30 How about 100”?) When nobody was around in the daytime and we were sitting in the livingroom,he had his zipper down let his d*** out then ask me to look at him, Every mountain bike I got for my birthday which was my only source of joy he would take them out ride them until they broke never to buy another one and he would do this every birthday,
He never had any empathy for anybody but him.My mother didn’t call the police and threatened me not to call.
She plays victim and acts like she didn’t hear daily beating.
After his did all of this(That’s not all he has done) He told me I will never feel as much pain as him..
Now that I’m a mother I find that sometimes I get too aggressive with my daughter and i cant calm my rage when she acts disrespectful or acts up at school.I get afraid that I might hurt her, but when she good I’m always a loving mother.
I’ve had enjoying thoughts about killing him over and over again, and I’ve also had enjoying thoughts about going on a spree and killing other abusive fathers and husbands, If I kill one would I feel satisfied?
I think if I killed one that would just make me feel better for one day..
Kidnapping one and holding him in my basement just to torment would give me a great sense of satisfaction. Because everyday is a brand new day
Thanks for reading:Miss Carter
