I think about being with him far too often. I’m desperately trying not to try too hard- I want to watch his favourite TV show so we can talk about it, but I’ve already started listening to the Smiths because he loves them, and I don’t want to be too much. It’s not like I’m pretending. I really do like this music, it’s just that if it was anyone else, I wouldn’t bother to start listening to a band just because I know they like them.
I think a lot about another universe, where he’s not straight and I’m more attractive. Maybe in this other universe I have my own car and I drive to school, so I can give him lifts home where we have private conversations. He comes up to me and speaks to me outside of rehearsals. We share a few classes. We’re friends with each other’s friends.
I do not live in that universe. He likes me, sure. He talks to me, sure. But the musical is over, my friends don’t like his friends, and I’m sure he’ll stop talking to me soon. It’s for the best, I’m going to uni soon enough, but I’ll miss not talking to him. I really like him.