I watch romance movies and read romance books that do nothing for me because it does not help my life after I watch or read them. I regret spending so much time on romance movies or romance novels. I acted out on the romance novel with a coworker when I was married, the other party was not. The other party was not interested in me. I went to the corporate gym in my workout clothes in front of the other party on their side of the gym. There were two sides, one for each s**. I was clearly acting like a prostitute. I was called a cougar because coworkers wanted to label me as someone who went after younger men. I was called Mrs. Fxxxxx. Mr Fxxxxx was 16 years younger than me. I masturbated with romance movies scenes.Coworkers tell me their relationship messes. I keep thinking how together I am now, how I would not be lured into the same trap I was in earlier. I have carried my shame, I do not talk about it with coworkers. I never told anyone except my mother. I make the biggest mistake of my life. After that I lived alone until I started having s** with someone.I had a fantasy he would need me because he was an illegal immigrant and I was an citizen. I had s** and convinced him to marry me-he had an deportation order from ICE immigration. I divorced him and called the ICE hotline to report where he lived. He only wanted s**, he did not want me. I did not see his drinking. I left and went to visit my family who was surprised I was re-married. During the week I was gone, he sold my tooIs and drained the bank account I gave him access to for emergency money. I brought my mother back to live with me. I thought I was going to rescue my elderly mother. She lived with me until she decided to return to her home 1200 miles away. She never wanted to leave, I forced her to move when she did not have to. My sibling, especially my Christian brother says he wants to help me. I am 60 nobody can help me. I was to stupid to realize how I was letting me be used for s** again. I have asked God to restore my life since. I get angry at God when I should be grateful. I swear at God when I should be praising him. I rejected God when I decided romance movies would make me feel better, they don’t. I rejected God when I stuffed my face with food it did not make me feel better. My message is do not attempt to rescue other people.